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ZOMBiE CYGIG
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ZOMBiE's Blog
This Blog is best viewed in 1024x786, in Firefox 3.0, Internet Explorer 6.0 or Opera 8.0 or above. Flash Player 9 or above required... That was for 10 years ago, most modern browsers can view my blog.
You accept the Terms and Conditions of cygig.blogspot once you start accessing this blog. Else, please leave immediately.
I Call Myself
ZOMBiE CYGIG
"Educated" At
Maha Bodhi School, Victoria School, Anderson JC, LASALLE College of the Arts
What I Do
Lazing, Hobby Crafting, DIY, Graphic Design, Computer Stuff that you don't get it
What I Avoid
Hipsters, Soccer, Apple Brand, Outings
How Am I Like
Logical, Practical, Off-Beat, Anti-Social, Sarcastic
Number of Views
View My Stats
Talk Cock
Check This Out!
ZOMBiE's Theorem
Quotes
My Dark Literature(Poems, Songs, Short Stories)
Classic Enteries
zB BlogLock
This Blog...
Theme: Glass Core METAL
No using of my blog skin and zB Blog Tools without my permission. Some music streamed to blog can be freely distributed under Creative Commons. Others are linked from external websites.
History
Current Posts
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This work is licensed under a
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Friday, August 31, 2007
Qiang Qiang
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 7:59 AM --- Post#1218892450636230490
Below is an MV of Qiang Qiang by Ella. Her pet doggy died during a surgery.
I always told sihui music is an art, including modern pop music. And getting good audio equipment is one way to maximise appreciation of the art of music.
This is one very very good example. Everyone noes i hate love and slow songs, often dread their low tempo and lack of instruments. Thus i often go for rock, rechno, RnB and raps, purely for the rapid progression and demanding on my system to reproduce all the bass and vocals and highs in the music. Not to mention my usual V-shape distortion to deviate away from natrual sound to extreme ends sounding that i like.
But when i listen to Qiang Qiang, the song caught my attention immediately, although its a slow song, i can feel that Ella is singing from her heart, and not yet-another-emo-song. Though its a slow song, i seriously like it a lot. Why? Cos it simply conveys the feeling other songs dun, cos perhaps this is genuine emotion form ella.
Anyway, the first thing that comes to my mind when i heard this song is pokpok. I had many jungle fowls b4, but young tt time parents always bluff me with toys to either slaughter them or gave them away. When i reach sec 2, pokpok was a gift to me from dad's college (dad help her clear some drain in her bungalow), then i swear this pet of mine will never be given away like the others in the past. Thats why after 5 years now my pok is still with me. Somehow everyone morning she will be the one who sends me off to school or camp, and the first to see when i reach home.
Its just a little hen isnt it? What big deal? Dunno, but i always treat pokpok like part of my family. But i know jungle fowl's life span is not very long, the looongest is 11years, with average being 6 to 7 years. Now i can see she is old liao..walk walk also can fall down (u got see birds fall down b4?)
Thus everytime i heard Qiang Qiang, somehow i relate to pokpok...Some feel very gan chu...hmmmm....
Below some random pics...sorry for poor quality, the lighting tt day was poor and im rushing for time.
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Studio Work: Piggy
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 7:42 AM --- Post#2426211271204920498
Got this little piggy from my dad. His company does construction chemical, and he in charge of this year's exhibition. The piggy was moulded from one of their chemicals. I like the texture and feel and decided to do a little studio work. The top pic is the miniature pool table gotten during workshop's cohesion long time ago.
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NS reflection
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 12:23 AM --- Post#7002976647884190853
Time to reflect on my NS life.
First of all, my ear is really getting deaf, but i never bother tell ppl about it. No one will believe me anyway. My shoulders not getting any better and my feet still hurt like fuck. Still no one believe me. So nvm...
Sure, my life is miserable, no doubt as it will always be. Ya come to think of it since when am I happy? Wherever I go I also not happy. Maybe because till this point in life I dun have much choice. There is no such thing as “I dun have a choice”, I always have a choice. But the problem is most of the time having a choice is like having none. Choices till now normally come in the form of “I either shoot my left leg or right leg”. I wanted to go poly, but parents say no.
Example:
Choice 1: I go poly and fall out with my parents, with possibility of being disowned
Choice 2: I go JC and fail everything cos I’m not interested in the syllabus
Ya, got choice and no choice like no diff. Do you still call it a choice?
I have this dream of mine that is so hard to fulfill, why? Cos the choices I have all dun lead to my dream. My dream is simple – personal freedom. Everyone wants freedom, but I want it more, as compared to like money or fame or skills or love…
I'm a unlucky lucky person. Why? Cos a lot of times I get a lot of advantage in life over others, but then these advantages are like of not much use to me.
Example:
Package 1: Service vocation, not much regimentation, not much PT, not much tekan, friendlier superiors… but stays in.
Package 2: Combat vocation, a lot of regimentation, PT, tekan quite some, heck care superiors. But after 5.30pm u stay out and have your night.
Right now im having Package 1, which has a whole lot of advantage and pros over Package 2. The only good thing about Package 2 is stay out. To someone who dun really like staying at home and like to go out play thru the night and come back to camp sleep so u dun have to wake up early, package 1 is of course the desired choice. For me who dun mind the ten plus hours of hell everyday if promised just a few hours of total freedom after that of course package 2 is desirable to me.
Sadly, it seems that most ppl favor package 1 more. Thus I got package 1 and im deemed lucky. But then personally I prefer Package 2. As for package 2, it dun really exist in army, which also means I got near no chance of hitting it and thus I will never be happy. This not only apply to army, I guess it applies to other things as well, just that in army its inflexible, package 1 means package 1, while in other places perhaps modification of your package can be done easily. I can switch to a job that I prefer more (closer to what I want), though u may say other company may not want you or other obstacles, but the possibilities are much much more out there than in army. In army its like rock hard to change your vocation. But still its damn difficult to hit exactly what I want (total personal freedom is one of the condition) even if I get to choose the job/vocation/studies I like, I can get near it, but never exact.
This brings about two conclusions. One, I will be less miserable if im presented with a much wider range of job scope to choose from. Two, I will never be happy since its impossible to meet all criteria that I favor even with a wider job scope.
This is why even I got so many advantages in hand, I will never look back and appreciate and be happy with it. Becos all these is not what I want. There are still things in life that I'm happy about. Taking up DnT in sec 4 is a choice I love as well as Computing in JC. I got the freedom (cos few student, lessons schedule, how classes are held can easily alter to our liking) and creativity space, despite the fact it’s a not so recognized subject and some schools even look down on it. Being in VS is another nice choice, ppl and teacher there flexible and responsive to suggestions (suggesting again, freedom), though the result of the school is no good and no girls to ogle at. Joining CXtreme also, I get to influence the stuff the club does (freedom of activities held) and get to mix with ppl of my kind, even though its damn unknown and unfunded in the college.
U give me sharkfin, milk bath and money, then lock me up and u expect me to “oh, im lucky and should be happy im getting my sharkfin, milk bath and money every day like free”? NO! I will go “WTF I no freedom! This sucks like hell!”
Same thing, u expect me “Heng I service vocation, here no regiment, here no PT, no one scream in your face…”? NO! I will curse my unit for not letting me stay out. I dint say a shit in OETI cos it met my requirement of staying out (freedom). But OETI is one of the best place in army, meaning to say 99.99% of the time in army, u wun get all these good stuff. This is why I will never be happy in army, cos my freedom is NO NO when it comes to military contacts, at least for now in my situation. Freedom is only one thing I want..human want is infinite. Assuming if I dun get what I want, I will definitely be depressed, then liddat I will never be happy in army, or even in life.
Why? Why I never learn that I will never get all that I want in life, and should learn to appreciate what I already got and stop complaining and stay happy? That one I seriously dunno. For these past months I really really tried to be happy and stay positive. But I failed. This kind of emotion thing hard to control. How to make myself happy when deep down inside I feel depress? I try psycho myself also no use. I keep telling myself “its ok its alright im got lots of privilege liao…dun complain liao”. Still I cant stop ranting. Its just like clinical depression very hard to just snap out of it through one night of reflection, it require long time medication and counseling. I dun have mediation, I dun have counseling. I dun deny, im beginning to believe my condition is more than just personal perspective of life, but actually psychological problem. Mental illness that require to see doctor and eat pills than just sit in canteen let sergeant and officer talk through me.
Though I never see doctor to confirm, but I know myself I have clinical depression last time in AJ. Its very obvious, its not just months or days or just the instant but throughout the two years, whole day cut myself with pen knife and trying to stop myself from thinking too much by not sleeping at night, so the next day I will be too tired and sleepy to think. My traumatisation when I interact with large group of ppl (esp ppl I dunno) followed me through since young. I dun believe that condition is not a mental illness. That’s why I never attend any gathering and always fear things like orientation and posting to a new place. Not to mention my memory fails me when it comes to faces, names and numbers. I'm good in remembering events, what ppl said and procedures though.
For now anf then, a temporarily relief is to rant. To cry. To excite. If I keep everything one day I will really jump. Somehow when I say things out I feel much better. When I go out with ppl whom I know I trust I feel secure. When I accomplish smthing (IT related most of the time) I feel some hope.
I still remember I dint cry when I attended Jun Rong’s funeral, and I explained to suyee perhaps his death relief him permanently from pain. She flamed and say no matter how life is valuable and cannot just end liddat. I told her a lot of things is not as simple as that, unless she goes through what he went through, how exactly junrong felt and what exactly happen can barely be justified just by talking or hearing. One have to really go thru what another is experiencing to gain all insights, otherwise by just common theories and logic, through talking and listening, a lot of things are just simplified.
Will I die? Maybe? I dunno. But if one day I die, you will know I'm happy im dead. No need feel sad. Since I value freedom so much, I will die for my own freedom anytime, if I feel there is a need, since I believe death is ultimate relief. Parents, friends feeling sad for me when I die? That’s why I want to say now if I'm to die, I cant be anything more sad than when im alive, so no need feel painful for me liao. If my death can make someone else whom I deem worthy to be happy, why not? I will die for my friends, if my death can exchange anything for them. But one thing is if I dare to die not? Death can be damn painful. Also im not asking u to follow my ideology or smthing, everyone got their rights to their choice de, including beliefs. Dun like my thinking? I kindly say sorry and dun read my blog and forget what I said.
Hmmm…Maybe I should ask, can anyone help me?
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Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Oh great
[havoc] ranted at 8:13 PM --- Post#5502444500510492594
Yes, oh great!
Juz when u r thinking tt yr life is starting to change for the better, things juz start to go nasty and haywire. Oh great!
As wad I had mentioned last time, I had this MSG whom I wd say, is v particular of the regimentation in AFS. If I forgot to mention tt previously, my bad den! I juz pen down the 1st thing tt popped up in my head, so I cant recall much on wad I had written.
Anyway, regimentation. An asset to the AFS. A part and parcel in the eyes of trainees. Dun think of escaping tt when yr ass is in AFS. Yr life/ass is hanging on a single thin thread. A SINGLE THIN THREAD. So fragile and delicate tt it snaps easily. Too easily. Once u r caught by ppl who think they r big fucks, ( in actual case they r small fry who make up the AFS community) u r in for a BIG time.
Oh well, wad happened today was really unfortunate. We were juz gg down the stairs, heading for our well-deserved lunch, tt had been held up by some arsehole. As we r making our way down, a sissy by the rank of CPT, saw us and approached one of my friends. After disseminating the info he had retrieved frm my friend, tt's where the drama began.
"U all r the new batch of trainees undergg the v200A course, right? A v gd afternoon to u."
Juz when u r thinking this cpt was probably concerned abt our welfare, think again.
"FUCK U! I m yr CQ officer. Who's yr course commander? See me nv pay compliments/salute me? FUCK U ALL! Not marching in steps somemore. Trying to test the system, is it? Go back to yr classroom and march out again!"
Wow! A clear distinction of the diff in rank. How nice of him to highlight tt to us! Shd I thx him for tt? Well the ans to tt: FUCK U!
Seriously, I shd clarify tt when we were walking down the stairs, he was making his way down behind me. I juz turned ard. Since there was nth on his sleeves, (wc suggest he isnt a specialist) so the nx thing to look out for was his shoulder. As it was raining, and the sky was overcast, the whole AFS was pitch dark. I only saw a lump of black shit at his shoulder, I cant really tell whether he was a warrant or an officer. B4 I cd decipher further, we were fucked. Upside down.
The worst thing was: This whole scene was captured by my beloved Chong. Upon seeing tt, he gave us a dressing down. There was a detestable smirk in his face, which seemed as if he was gloating to himself abt our misfortune. Wad can I say? Tt's my beloved.
I was like thinking to myself as I finally settled dwn for lunch. If we were to pay compliments to every enciks/officers we see, we wd haf to stop every 10 steps during our marching to the ckhse. The whole place was flooding wif them. I cant really help by wondering, did our parents pay these NS regulars juz to get salutes frm us? Or r they here for more impt business?Certainly, if a CPT or other lower ranking officers juz popped up and u were unable to react in time, I thought we cd b excused frm saluting. I always tot the officers wd understand. Of cos, if u haf fast reflexes, by all means pay compliments to them.
Anyway, the atmosphere sux. I dread the days I spent in AFS.
To Guest: Glad tt u pt tt out! I noe tt we cd ask our superior for transport fees. However, after wad I had seen frm my course commander's actions yest, I cd safely conclude tt he's not the kinda of guy who wd tend to yr fucking needs. He was so lazy tt he wanted all of us to either stay in or stay out, so tt he wont nid to handle extra clerical work if there r some ppl who decide to stay in.
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Monday, August 27, 2007
wtfccb, knnbccb
[havoc] ranted at 8:34 PM --- Post#3592814836230848462
Sry for the dramatic title, but it cd haf gone more vulgar den tt. I tried to restrain myself frm getting emotional.
Spking of which, this is the 1st time I had ever gotten so emotional, after my return to AFS. The event that had occured juz today, in a way, had spurred me on to write this entry. Fuckers..
Seriously spking, we were told by 1 Sgt last Fri tt our course is a stay-in one. So I already prepared myself for a 5-wk AFS stay-in, which IMO, was better than staying out. 1stly, I was elated tt I wont haf to burn my salary on transport fee, juz to get to AFS everyday. If it is stay out, each trip costs abt $3, a trip to and fro will amt to $6.. 5 days work wk and my course is a 5 wk course.. So if u still haf the brains to work out how much it wd totally cost for my 5 wk stay out.. ROUGHLY 1/3 of yr salary is spent on transport ALONE!
2ndly, I haf to wake up damn bloody early juz to travel frm CCK to AFS(paya lebar). FUCK! Spking of care for soldiers.. Where's the care in the 1st place if I had less den 6 hrs of slp everyday.
FUCK!
Anyway, back to my story and the unfateful event tt took place. So today, much to everyone's surprise, we had our COURSE BRIEFING. Oh wow. A course briefing after the course had commenced. It cant get any better. Our course commander, a major by rank, came in and gave us a pep talk. Of course, the common issue of staying in for the bloody course was raised. There were verbal discussions. Here and there. Finally, a consensus was made.
"Those who wanna cont stay in bcos u think u cannot get to AFS in time can cont to do so. Those who think they can manage their time well, of cos u haf the freedom to choose."
Up to this pt, I think the thing tt made much sense were the holy words "freedom to choose". All embraced the idea. Finally, Fairy Godmother came by and granted the wishes of those who wanna stay out, and those who wanna stay in frm the start. Of cos, in every fairy tale story, likewise in my story, there is always a villian to pave the entrance of the godmother. The villian in my case, IS my course sgt by the name of MSG CHONG!
IF anyone is suffering of deprived childhood and doesnt noe anything abt fairy tales, I will use a more recent illustration to demonstrate wad I mean. Take for eg star wars, the Jedi prophecy of this chosen one who will bring balance to the force. Eventually, MSG CHONG assumed the role of Anakin Skywalker, later Darth Vader, and the major assumed the role of LUKE Skywalker.
After the godmother has made his leave, MSG Chong cast a death spell on those who wanna stay in. He wants everyone of us to either stay in or stay out. There IS NO CHOICE. Wow, so much for inviting the devil to yr doorsteps.
Fine, since most of us were against the idea of staying in, I haf to suck my thumb hard and complied to staying out, which awfully means I haf to burn my money on transport fee and wake up damn early.
The Chinese always believed in gd things come in pair. Well for me, gd things come in pair. Bad things come in a dozen. Yep! Another stupid theory of mine was proven true by my beloved MSG. I haf to bk in early tmr and Weds at 0715 to consume breakfast due to inadvanced notice given. SO I had to wake up at 0530, instead of the usual 0600.
FUCK! KNNB! I gave up. Conceded defeat b4 the war has even started. This is army. Yeah! When being asked whether we can report straight to Sungei Gedong for Xctry nx wk since we r staying out, the ans was a straight two letter word. BCOS coaches r hired to transport us frm AFS to Gedong. Wow! Splendid. So basically, I had to wake up early, take public transport dwn to AFS, take hired coach to Gedong, den back to AFS for the fucking indented dinner, den back home. Wow. The master nv ceased to amaze me. THE BLOODY GEDONG is JUZ AT THE FOOTSTEP OF MY HSE! BLOODY HELL. CCK AND LCK R SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER, seperated by 30 mins bus trip. Bloody hell. TO think I had to travel dwn to AFS by 0730, juz to take their bloody hired bus service to fetch me to Gedong which wd take us 50 mins to reach there.. I can juz simply wake up at 0730 at my hse and take a 30 min trip dwn to GEDONG, reaching b4 the coach does.
ONE WORD: INFLEXIBLE
AND, A BIG FUCK to Balvinder and his gang of smokers. Laughing at my friend's qn to tt.. Its not funny to stay out and not funny to travel frm one end of Spore to another end and back again. Poly grads nowadays lack the brains to discern stuff..
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Stay in lor...
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 12:31 AM --- Post#7688713569926383537
It has always to be smthing impactful enough to drive me to post here. I dunno why, but entering army, I dun feel like blogging at all. Perhaps last time there are new surprises here and there in life, but now entering the army…nothing is surprising. The daunting path seemed to be laid damn dead in front of me.
Yes, im posted back to 41FMP. How more suck can that be? I met up with the OC of 11, and he said no to staying out. Instead he gave me the following compromises:
- Give me opportunity to show myself, as there are lots of events tt will need someone to stir up a poster or a new unit tee. Upon two years, a testimonial will be given to me and it will be useful to enter ADM in NTU. If tasked, will be given stay outs and offs.
- Allow me stay out once a week to take courses, if everything goes well, up to two days a week.
- May extend my nights out timing, but I rejected it.
- May talk to iNet room admin to install software that I need.
Also, on workshop side:
- Say will make me do more of admin work (technician clerk?)
- Excuse me from most of the major outfield events, cos I got problem w heavy loads, esp field pack.
Whereas on the other stay out depot, they got like never ending work to do. Some 500 to 800 vehicles under there, when I only got like 50 of them in the workshop. They OT a lot until 10 or 11pm.
So with all these compromises, I dunno if it’s a good thing to stay here.
Staying in sucks, I was trying to think away from staying in for the past few days. Going out, doing my artwork, surf my forum…all but never think of staying in. Until just now I was packing my stuff…totally feel like going BMT tekong liddat, everything also need. Tell u I EX heavy load le, how carry so much stuff in bag? No more photoshop, illustrator, business, studio, blog, forums….no more when I stay in. And yet ppl keep asking why I dun want to stay in. Haiz…
Today do 6km run…end up walking..and my feet hurts like mad. Shoulder starts to tense like fuck again. Haiz..sians…
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Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Artwork: Lilies of Ethereality
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:15 PM --- Post#895139552750287187
[Click for full size image]
Explanation
Its pretty simple: a tranquil scene at a lotus or water lily pond. Perhaps Im trying to cheer myself up from the recent trauma from NS by portraying a little paradise for me to hide myself? Also this piece to specially dedicated to someone.
Inspiration
Inspired from a name of a person. Also from an online tutorial which teaches how to make the petals from Blending. In the tutorial is another flower, but later i tot of making lotus flower form the same technique. I always see the semi transparent effect when sunlight pass thru water lily's petal. Credits to Samuel Liu from my sec 4 VS Art Elective class for detailed critic and coming up with the name "Lilies of Ethereal", then renamed "Lilies of Ethereality" by Yue Ting.
Technical Details
Software - Adobe Photoshop CS 3, Adobe Illustrator CS 3
Time taken - About two weeks
Canvas Size - 4000x3000px
The petals of the flowers are drawn by splitting the petal outline into two symmetrical parts, then use the Blend tool in Illustrator to gradually change the shape and colour of the lines from one part to another. There can be like 100 lines in between two parts. U can also see similar pattern of lining design on an actual lotus flower. As its made of lines, there are empty space in between, making it look translucent from far.
The sunshine is made from Flare tool.
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Ah Ting [VR-Zone Essay Competition]
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:35 PM --- Post#7685700684350652251
Foreword
Pardon me for my bad English, im trying my very best to improve on it. Here is my essay and hope you guys like it. Certain parts of the story are based on real life incidents, while some others are purely dramatic.
To play safe, all characters, organization, events and location in the story are fictitious and if found relevant to real life, it’s purely coincidental.
Chapter 1: The new beginning
Folding down the laptop with eyes focused on the couple, I couldn’t help but keep staring at the girl. Nope, not because she was hot and sexy, but rather she look like someone who I will never forget, for deep cuts in my heart are hard to heal and the scar shows forever.
I’m yet another Singaporean, living in this boring and dull country, with my future path all set nicely for me. Parents call this “planning”, but I rather see it as restriction. So like a lot of other students, I took the Junior College path after my secondary school. Base on my L1R5, I blindly choose a college close to it.
Before I knew it, I stepped into this whole new world – Andersen Junior College. I was from a boy school, the presence of girls in the college simply amazed me. This new breed of human has long hair and chirpy voice, with an acute sense for cuteness and strange mentality, like always expecting the guys to give way to them, which I thought to be very wrong. Maybe that’s why I’m one of the weirdo.
Orientation in school was not as exciting as I though, it’s filled with the plain old and boring ice breaking games that I had played umpteen times in life. All I could say is that it’s more like laming around and wasting time. One hokkien word described the day – “sian”. For the first time I got to interact closely with girls, but honestly speaking, I cannot understand why some guys will go gaga over them. Perhaps I would after some time?
Chapter 2: Ah Ting
After a week’s time, everything more or less settled down. I found a spot in canteen where I could take a nap before morning assembly, all thanks to my morning blues. I could not remember the date and day, but that morning I was as usual resting my lumpy body on the canteen bench … until a voice broke my dream and woke up up.
“Ya, that one must use Photoshop one…you come my blog see lor..”
I was like, “woo, sounds like a tech babe to me!” and sat up. That was how I met Ah Ting. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, but no, Ah Ting is not one of those chilly bimbos with big boobs and curvy figures. I would not call her ugly as well, perhaps due to my poor taste, but I though she looked alright, just that she never bother much about accessories or make up like other girls. Her face looked a bit the long and her skin is mid-tan, her hair was tied into a cutie pony tail that I often played with, swirling the chunk of hair in circles and waiting to see her pissed off face. Hehe. Ah Ting was definitely quite short, for the fact I’m already very “ka-tek”, she was one head shorter than me! Ah Ting got big eyes! A bit like those you would see in anime and cartoon, and a delicate nose below and ever chattering lips above her round chin.
We started as good friends, reason being very simple – both of us like imaging. The passion of photography and graphic design flowed through our heart. We were stuck to each other like how we were stuck to Adobe Photoshop. But we remained as just good friends for a long time.
Chapter3: The Messenger
Our communications were done mainly over the internet, as both of us were very IT reliant people, perhaps due to our interest in imaging. Through the bits and bytes that flowed through the cables, our feelings and souls were sent at lightning speed between our usual chat client – MSN messenger, or perhaps sometimes Pidgin if we felt like it. At a key stroke of “Enter”, my port would be open for her. Just for her.
I enjoy all our chat session, in fact even better than the usual chats we had in college. This was simply because over the messenger we could express our feelings for each other more daringly and strongly. Our usual chat topics were more than geek talks, a lot of time I ask her how was it like to be a girl, how she found herself, how she looked at other girls, how she would dress herself up… I had 101 questions to ask, and for every question she replied me patiently.
She never hid her feelings from me, I knew exactly when she is feeling low.
“You ok anot? Cheer up can? Promise me dun think too much le k? No matter how, I just want you to stay happy. ” I would message. The next day in college she would come up to me with her sunny big smile and whisper to me under her breath, “Thank you, I ok liao..”
Once, I told her that if she is feeling sad, she should find a friend who is willing to listen to her and tell this friend about your entire problem, after saying out, she will feel much better. She busted into tears and wrapped her arms around me. After wetting my uniform for five minutes, she finally looked up, straight into my eyes and said, “Aint you already the one willing to listen to me all the while?” Isn’t Ah Ting cute?
It’s about half a year after we knew each other, when one day she suddenly popped a question to me, “Hmm, you so nice to me hor. Can you be my sis?” Can I be not shock? Why would she want be to be her sister when I am a guy? Naturally I questioned her.
“Orh, because I never have a sister in my family mah, since you so nice to me, why not be my sister?”
Oh well, I could not find a reason not to play along, could I? Strange enough, she really treated me like her sister, she had secrets with me, we did homework together, we Skype each other every night gossiping about others in college, we even went Sim Lim Square for shopping together. All these were just like what girls and girls will do in school, from what I observed. But of course, I’m no way getting gay or any sexual disorientation.
Chapter4: Sabotage
Thinking back, I could still remember that time when I was sabotaged by my classmate. It was a creepy girl who back stabbed me, she kept spreading rumors and talking behind my back, saying im a freak, im not normal and other stuff to dirty my name, and so my friends would start leaving me, all just because I quarreled with her good friends over some small matters. I was called to the Principal’s office and was interrogated for what actually happened, and that block head actually believed her words and reprimanded me for creating trouble.
After the session of vocal bombardment from my Principal, I hid myself in a corner of my empty CCA room and my tears were almost rolling down. Perhaps it’s fate, Ah Ting came in to use the computers in the CCA room and found me and my depression there. I thought she may had already heard about what happened, therefore never asked a single question. Ting rushed to me and came to my side, using her small and cute hands and held my arm tightly. Then she gently put her palms onto my face and brought it to her direction, as she knew I did not feel like facing her.
“Its ok de…she is a bitch and I know it. Don’t think too much hao mah?”
“Im alright…” I replied, with my tears at the edge of my eyes.
She looked deep into my eyes and stretched her arms to hold me close to her warm body. I could feel some kind of special feeling she passed to me, and all of a sudden I felt so brave and courageous, powered with confidence. She withdrew her arms and took something out from her purse. It’s a little plaster.
“Nah give this to you!” She stuffed the plaster into my palm, closing it. “I give you this Elastic Plaster, if you feel sad neh, you just apply on your heart, then there will be no more pain le…”
Of course I cannot really apply the plaster onto my heart, and I don’t know how she got that kind of idea from. But what I know was her care and concern could really ease the pain in my heart. I was back to my normal self after a few days. And as to what happen to that creepy girl later on, I do not wish to elaborate on.
Chapter5: New Love
Examinations are the hell part of Junior College life. These strenuous activities totally drain your mana and gobble up your health points. What to do? “Mug lor!” is the common answer. I was burying myself in this whole pile of physics reference books, tutorials, lecture notes and Ten Years Series in the afternoon, some months before JC 2 midyear. I was all alone in the deserted classroom that not much people know of on the fourth floor of Block 13.
All of a suddenly, a huge force acted on my shoulders as Ah Ting levered herself up on my shoulders.
“Eh sis pain lah!” I yelled. She giggled. Then she sat down beside me.
I was expecting her to either take out her own notes to study, or borrow my materials. But nope, she just sat there and stared at me. Her crystal like pupils wandered over me, as she leaned forward and look at me. I was busy on my studies and did not bother to find out what she was doing.
The silence finally broke. “Eh, who do you think I like?” Hmmm…what kind of question is that? Although I know the answer is me sub consciously, I replied saying that I did not know what she was talking about.
“Guess lah! Guess guess leh!”
I pretended to think for a long time, and just as I was about to say “I seriously don’t know”, she put her finger over my lips.
“Shhh…you don’t’ need to answer me, I know u have an answer in your heart le. Kekeke”. She paused, and with that crafty eyes of hers scanning my baffled expression, she continued. “Your answer in your heart is correct wor!”
Oh god! Holy! I did not have a mirror, but I could feel hot blood running up my cheeks. Ah Ting lean even closer to me, and drew her face near mine. She pecked me on my forehead. She grabbed the physics notes I was holding on to and threw them rudely on the table, so that she could have my left hand. She opened up my palm and held hers tightly onto mine.
“I think I like you.” She spoke softly, with earnest.
I did not say a thing, simply placed my other palm on top of hers, and reached my head for her lips. I love her lips, the lips that spoke so much to me for the past times were mine then. I could feel her tongue colliding with mine and her saliva oozing into my mouth. The sense of love was ultimate.
I embraced her with my arms, sliding down to feel her tender waist line. From there I secured my hug and she locked herself into me. I could feel energy exchange between us, I could feel passion, I could feel warmth and I could feel everything in her. I think she was feeling the same thing as I was.
I love her.
Chapter6: Deep Cut
It was nearing J2 prelims, both of us were mugging at a food center near college. Ah Ting was happily eating her Ba Chor Mee, while I’m more like wolfing down last minute knowledge from my math formulae sheet. The more I tried to for in, the more mental block I get. I read from my watch 15 minutes from exam, and hastily cleared the table off my studying materials and gulp down my noodles within minutes.
“No time liao no time liao!” I yelled, as the both of us packed our bags are preparing to go back to college, hoping that I could remember something of out of my formulae sheet. I held her hand and dashed across the road with my notes on the other hand, constantly referring to it while on the go. That was how desperate I was. My results were worst than poor, and I doubt myself having any chance of going to University, thus I got to hope that all these last minute studying would actually help, though I knew it wouldn’t.
The wind was strong and the sky was dark, it was going to rain in some minutes’ time. I hurried to keep my notes, but was too shagged to concentrate and dropped all of them instead. I didn’t say a word, both of us started squatting down to pick up my damned lecture notes, in hope the wind would not blow them away.
“Oh shit! Where is my calculator?” I exclaimed, while stuffing my notes into my bag and searching for my math machine at the same time.
“Aiya you surely left it on the table! Never mind I help you get, you faster rush back to college first!” She ordered, and handed me the remaining stack of notes she collected from the ground.
I could not think much but to set my pace fast against time and ran in the direction of the school. It was just about a minute before I hear a devastating screech and an ear piercing horn. Noticing that something was amiss, I ran back to the kerb of the road and found a scene of disaster.
My darling was lying on the road, and her limbs were twisted in an unnatural way, blood could be seen running profusely from a deep cut on her forehead. More blood stains were splattered on the road and one of her shoes was right at the other side of the road near the kerb.
The lorry which caused all these mess stopped a few meters from my girl. The driver seemed daze and disoriented. He tried to pick up his phone to make a call but his hand could not even coordinate to hold the device up properly. He yelled and screamed like girl and used his hands to cover his head.
I did not know how to react. I rushed to her body and fell to my knees. I tried shaking her but she laid still and my hands were full of her blood. I wiped away her blood on my uniform but they were still there! I could see a crowd gathering around…and I thought I saw police officers rushing to the scene. Someone pushed me aside as they carried my girl away onto the stretcher. I ran up to follow, but was pulled away and brought into another ambulance.
I seriously cannot accept the truth. As I sat down onto the ambulance, I felt something hard in my pockets. My bloodied palm reached in to take it out – a calculator, and my name was written big and clear on it.
Blood dripped onto the calculator and the drop found its way out of the maze of buttons and landed on my lap.
The End
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Monday, August 20, 2007
PC Repair Experiences
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 2:46 AM --- Post#760989988349024374
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Monday, August 13, 2007
Past, Present, Future
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:11 PM --- Post#4523152714060328113
I bought a deck of Tarot card (Shining Tribe Variant) for $33, it comes with a book explaining how to use it. My time is almost up, the battle to stay out to serve my passion is almost over. Seriously looking at the situation now i cannot predict anything. IT depend on factor like posting, interview with S1 Branch, ability to sneak home during nights off, medical reviews, going Wallaby or India or not, if OC allow change of unit... Lots of factors and i trying to fight for all. So i decided to buy a deck or Tarot to see how and what i should do. I know it sounds damn lame, cos im never a religious person, and why am i believing in such superstitious thigys?
I researched online. Tarot cards are sometimes used by psychiatrists on their patients, to evoke their sub conscious and relate it to their conscious state of mind. After reading the book, i think its like when u pick the cards, you will be force to relate your current situation onto the cards, as the cards are organized in like "Past, Present, Future" or "Body, Mind, Spirit" or simply drawn after a question is ask, therefore there will be some organization to your current situation as well, making things look easier and offering some possible area of approach and help or alternate path from the cards.
I dun really believe in spirits controlling the cards or smthing, but i do believe its a way of relief, clearing your mind and organisation of thoughts and an opportunity to ponder and meditate (ya i always meditate with techno music).
.
.
.
I did a simple 3 card spread (and a hell lot of time shuffling the cards b4 that, my first try i got 3 consecutive cards from the pre-arranged deck, i consider tt a no count). The first card represent Past, the next Present and lastly Future.
Past: 9 of Trees
Book says: Grief for something lost. Emotional pain. Deep sorrow that takes away our joy. Need to seek help. Need to look at something in ourselves we do not want to face or do not believe. More simply, it might call for us to allow grief or sadness. We look at this card primarily from the issue of regaining our lost power. However, in readings where the card comes up as a recommendation, it might suggest that we allow others to help us, even rescue us, the way Giulgameshg rescues Inanna.
It seems like referring to AJC times, pretty accurate, the pain and grief i had there is much more than i had in army. It may also refer to the torment during BMT.
"Need to look at something in ourselves we do not want to face or do not believe." Referring to my results, my poor relationships and troubles in AJ?
"regaining our lost power", hmmm...lost power.. Power referring to my better grades in primary and secondary school, and lost drastically in JC?
Present: The Emperor
Book says: The play between aggressive and healing energy. Abstract ideas, rationality. Setting firm boundaries, ruling your own territory, taking responsibility. Emotional remoteness. Sexuality, especially masculine sexuality. Fathers and fatherhood.
This is a bit more tricky. Aggressiveness may come from me defending my own character traits (even its no good) against certain brainwashing organization and perhaps the army ppl around me. Abstract ideas of how my vocation is going to be like and how my it will affect my future and setting my firm will that i want to stay out/not go overseas to self study. Emotional remoteness cos my good friends all now can only be access via online means...no physical someone i can talk to for now... Masculine refers to army? But i grew more fats than anything leh.
Future: 5 of Trees
Book says: Inner meaning, things going on under the surface. Withdrawal, especially to nurture a "secret" self. Healing that is not apparent on the surface. Development of aspects of yourself that you are not ready to show to others.
I hope it means withdrawal from my current vocation to nurture my passion for IT and imaging and audio, and of course there is no healing in this political battle field. The aspects of myself in IT? in Graphic Design? But one big problem: All these my passion of a geek is NOT A SECRET and i dun think its "not ready to show others" when im already ding job for others.
So this secret self and developing aspect of me is what??? Dun tell me is the hidden pro army turret technician in me, that will become skillful enough to show others. Wah then liddat meaning i cannot OOC...and got to stay in Kranji? Does it mean tt?
For this 5 of Trees...i need time to ponder what it is actually trying to say.
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M'sia Version of MC Hotdog
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:07 PM --- Post#7837062631374833401
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Sunday, August 12, 2007
Fucked up test
[havoc] ranted at 2:13 PM --- Post#8343668103967254737
This is a true incident, but language altered to produce dramatic effect.
So much for screwing up my TP test on Fri, now I have to wait for a retest on this coming tues. While the rest r bz wif their island wide driving yest, I was bz mourning for my so-called blunder in my test.
Out of the 8 who went for the test, only 3 failed. So coincidentally, I was one of the trio. I wasnt nervous at all tt day. Okay, mayb I was abit nervous. However, tt didnt contribute to my major downfall of the test.
I remb I was at the slip road at CCK waiting for the right moment to cut into lane 2 (straight gg lane), bcos the outermost left lane is an exclusive left turning lane. So there I was, waiting. Waiting for the perfect opportunity. No doubt traffic was medium, the chance to move finally appeared. I ensured tt the taxi tt was turning right had stopped at the yellow box, b4 I brought my vehicle out of the slip road and into the 2nd lane.
It was a success. When almost 3/4 of my vehicle was in the 2nd lane, my tester demanded me to peer at my right mirror. I acknowledged. There I saw the taxi turning into the same lane as me, behind my vehicle. And so comes the quarrel of the century.
"DID U CHECK yr right mirror AND CFM tt there WAS NO MORE VEHICLES turning right, or cfm tt the vehicles turning right came to a STOP at tt junction?"
"I DID. I CFM THE TAXI STOPPED at the yellow box, b4 I moved the vehicle out of the slip road."
"Then how come the taxi is now behind u, slowing down to gif way to u, when yr vehicle is still halfway into the 2nd lane?"
"But I ensured the taxi stopped. At the yellow box. U saw tt I stopped at the slip road to gif way to traffic turning right. If u saw me moving off at the same time as the taxi, u wd haf pulled my handbrake and fail me on the spot."
Seeing tt he was on the verge of losing his pt in this argument, the tester bitched..
"U shd noe better tt yr vehicle is slow moving. U shd gif way to the taxi, even if U saw it stop at the yellow box. The taxi is faster den u in terms of their pickup speeds."
Oh well, since he wanna put it tt way, I reluctantly accepted my defeat. Its pointless to argue wif him. Though I m not wrong to move my vehicle at tt point in time, he was also not wrong in pointing out tt my vehicle wd cause some form of obstruction, shd the taxi turned into the lane when I m halfway into it.
It all depends on luck, as wad my DI wd say. He had shown recognition in the way I handled the 3 tonner wif utmost care for other road users. He had also praised me of my driving skills, having mastered the handling of the 3 ton in less den 3 wks.
Having flunked my TP test, I sat down at the training shed, alone. Feeling thirsty, I went over to the water cooler to refresh myself.
I used to find cold water frm the water cooler refreshing like morning dew. However, the water frm the water cooler on Fri suddenly tasted so different. It was so.. so salty.
Soon I discovered its not water I m drinking. The source: colourless solution produced by my eyes.
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Friday, August 10, 2007
The NS Song
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:57 PM --- Post#5744049041193625396
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earWax Story
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 9:39 PM --- Post#8284748110500927602
Its a long time since i properly blog.
31 July 2007
I went to MO,cos my left ear cannot hear anything. Its nothing new actually, everytime water enter my ear, it will be clotted. Clotted with water or ear wax or half dissolved ear wax, that one i dunno. But this time it was clotted for quite long le, so i decided to see the MO. Really irritating, my hearing already fucked up liao, clotted le cant hear a shit.
"I use waxsol, then the liquid went in never come out, become worst"
"Hmm cannot be leh..." Use some instrument poke into my year, "wah lao, ear wax so much?"
"My mom help me dig out the ear wax is wet de leh"
"hmm, i dunno, my best guess is too much earwax stuck. I give u this olive oil, this one you must make sure it goes right deep in, then after an hour or so, it will dry up itself, no need for u to suck it out or anything Also i will give u this referral letter to SGH just in case. "
"oh ok, thank you sir!"
I walked out of the room, being damn happy that now i got OLIVE oil! Yeah! I got the bottle of oil, it says for smoothing hair and moisturizing skin. BUT NEVER SAY PUT EAR LEH!!!
So nvm, i was given a syringe and pump up the Olive oil and WOOSH, send all of them right into my ear, following the instructions to reach the deepest of my ear. Since he say both ear got also too much wax, i pump in the oil into both ears.
Hong KanS!!!
Cant hear! How u expect to hear anything with your ear filled with oil? But nvm, mo say wait a hour or so then will dry. I waited ONE WHOLE DAY!!! Never dry! The whole day like deaf liddat sia!
But nvm, i continued...
For the Next few Days..
Ya, i was fucking deaf for that few days. Whole ear olive oil, and i remb damn clearly he told me must reach the deepest of my ear to soften all wax. After some days i gave up, the olive oil just made me too deaf.
At the end of the week, my left ear (initially the one w problem) ok liao! No more oil inside finally! But then my right ear (initially alright) still clotted!!! Fuck?! And my referral letter to SGH neh? Never come! They promise say withing few days will call me up or my unit! where isit?
10 Aug 2007
I fed up le. Right ear still clotted. I called the medical center ask for my referral letter. No have! they cant find! I told my sergeant..and he told me to go and report sick again. I went to the medical center at 2...and rotted for two hours till 4pm then got to see the MO. This time its a different one. He searched the database and found my referral letter, he previous MO did wrote it but the medic did not execute (send to SGH and process)! Ya...so i bai bai waited for a week?! If not i go ask then maybe i will never get! Second time liao! last time my shoulder also liddat! Wah thanks!
HE ask if i got dig my ear. I say yes. He say dig more, more wax, now too late. Nothing to do. No cure till i see SGH ENT specialist. I keep telling him its a horror to work when my one ear cant hear properly, ppl talk to me i need to "huh? louder!" b4 i can get the message. What if got smthing dangerous then ppl shout to warn me i cant hear? What if got some important message i miss out? Its damn dangerous and inconvinent! Yet he cant gimme an answer. Just say not serious, ask me dun dig and KEEP APPLYING OLIVE OIL. He say i should not put the whole ear...one drop will do. Wah lao, previous MO say de mah, fill until must reach the deeeep inside.
By the time i go back to workshop, ppl falling out le. Everyone looking at me. My turret friend see like i trying to slack away dun do work. My IC and officer keep asking lots of question, somehow i feel they damn irritated and not happy with so many problems going on with me. Somehow i think the whole workshop loking at me with tinted vision.
good lor. Fantastic medical service. I go deaf they happy lor. No more audiophile.
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Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Pics of The Day
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 7:25 AM --- Post#7680939645321990148
Some freaky pics found in Vr forums. Enjoy!!!
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Monday, August 06, 2007
Print Tee too exp
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 1:14 AM --- Post#3525031895427375058
Nothing much to blog about. Been very busy recently, trying to settle the tee shirt things and last minute designs before i stay in. How sad. Watched harry potter and order of phoenix, its not as nice as the other movies.
Hai. Pinger helped me ask the tee shirt pricing. Its $65, due to
- colour too many (est 50+)
- images too big
- black is hard to print on
How neh?
Recently met this wenze from VR, a mech in my camp, also started playing UT w this pro.
See...told u nothing to blog liao lor...
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Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Completed Halo 2!
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 8:15 AM --- Post#3801800042818487808
Yeah, completed Halo 2 for Vista, hacked to play on XP. Halo 2 is much easier to play than Halo 1 sia. Some levels in Halo 1 is madness. Map in Halo 2 more straight forward, no more losing of directions.
The dual wielding of weapon is cool. Choose two single-hand-operated weapons of any kind and dual wield them. Can be SMG with plasma rifle, or pistol with needler.
The new Battle Rifle is cool also. More accurate and powerful than the previous assault rifle. The Covanent Cabine also not bad, but its semi-auto, one shot per trigger squeesed.
Overal very fun lah, prefer Halo 2 to 1, though the gameplay is much faster and shorter. I dint use any cheats neh!
Bad thing is its ported from XBOX, even the ABXY button labelling still there. Also graphically not much option, only Low, Medium and High. Cannot choose lightings, shading, shadow, model, fog and stuff. I will give up things like fog, shaow, anti-alisaing, water reflection, lust and glow for high model and environmental detail.
Below just 3 screen shot i took.
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Qiang Qiang
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 7:59 AM --- Post#1218892450636230490
Below is an MV of Qiang Qiang by Ella. Her pet doggy died during a surgery.
I always told sihui music is an art, including modern pop music. And getting good audio equipment is one way to maximise appreciation of the art of music.
This is one very very good example. Everyone noes i hate love and slow songs, often dread their low tempo and lack of instruments. Thus i often go for rock, rechno, RnB and raps, purely for the rapid progression and demanding on my system to reproduce all the bass and vocals and highs in the music. Not to mention my usual V-shape distortion to deviate away from natrual sound to extreme ends sounding that i like.
But when i listen to Qiang Qiang, the song caught my attention immediately, although its a slow song, i can feel that Ella is singing from her heart, and not yet-another-emo-song. Though its a slow song, i seriously like it a lot. Why? Cos it simply conveys the feeling other songs dun, cos perhaps this is genuine emotion form ella.
Anyway, the first thing that comes to my mind when i heard this song is pokpok. I had many jungle fowls b4, but young tt time parents always bluff me with toys to either slaughter them or gave them away. When i reach sec 2, pokpok was a gift to me from dad's college (dad help her clear some drain in her bungalow), then i swear this pet of mine will never be given away like the others in the past. Thats why after 5 years now my pok is still with me. Somehow everyone morning she will be the one who sends me off to school or camp, and the first to see when i reach home.
Its just a little hen isnt it? What big deal? Dunno, but i always treat pokpok like part of my family. But i know jungle fowl's life span is not very long, the looongest is 11years, with average being 6 to 7 years. Now i can see she is old liao..walk walk also can fall down (u got see birds fall down b4?)
Thus everytime i heard Qiang Qiang, somehow i relate to pokpok...Some feel very gan chu...hmmmm....
Below some random pics...sorry for poor quality, the lighting tt day was poor and im rushing for time.
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Studio Work: Piggy
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 7:42 AM --- Post#2426211271204920498
Got this little piggy from my dad. His company does construction chemical, and he in charge of this year's exhibition. The piggy was moulded from one of their chemicals. I like the texture and feel and decided to do a little studio work. The top pic is the miniature pool table gotten during workshop's cohesion long time ago.
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NS reflection
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 12:23 AM --- Post#7002976647884190853
Time to reflect on my NS life.
First of all, my ear is really getting deaf, but i never bother tell ppl about it. No one will believe me anyway. My shoulders not getting any better and my feet still hurt like fuck. Still no one believe me. So nvm...
Sure, my life is miserable, no doubt as it will always be. Ya come to think of it since when am I happy? Wherever I go I also not happy. Maybe because till this point in life I dun have much choice. There is no such thing as “I dun have a choice”, I always have a choice. But the problem is most of the time having a choice is like having none. Choices till now normally come in the form of “I either shoot my left leg or right leg”. I wanted to go poly, but parents say no.
Example:
Choice 1: I go poly and fall out with my parents, with possibility of being disowned
Choice 2: I go JC and fail everything cos I’m not interested in the syllabus
Ya, got choice and no choice like no diff. Do you still call it a choice?
I have this dream of mine that is so hard to fulfill, why? Cos the choices I have all dun lead to my dream. My dream is simple – personal freedom. Everyone wants freedom, but I want it more, as compared to like money or fame or skills or love…
I'm a unlucky lucky person. Why? Cos a lot of times I get a lot of advantage in life over others, but then these advantages are like of not much use to me.
Example:
Package 1: Service vocation, not much regimentation, not much PT, not much tekan, friendlier superiors… but stays in.
Package 2: Combat vocation, a lot of regimentation, PT, tekan quite some, heck care superiors. But after 5.30pm u stay out and have your night.
Right now im having Package 1, which has a whole lot of advantage and pros over Package 2. The only good thing about Package 2 is stay out. To someone who dun really like staying at home and like to go out play thru the night and come back to camp sleep so u dun have to wake up early, package 1 is of course the desired choice. For me who dun mind the ten plus hours of hell everyday if promised just a few hours of total freedom after that of course package 2 is desirable to me.
Sadly, it seems that most ppl favor package 1 more. Thus I got package 1 and im deemed lucky. But then personally I prefer Package 2. As for package 2, it dun really exist in army, which also means I got near no chance of hitting it and thus I will never be happy. This not only apply to army, I guess it applies to other things as well, just that in army its inflexible, package 1 means package 1, while in other places perhaps modification of your package can be done easily. I can switch to a job that I prefer more (closer to what I want), though u may say other company may not want you or other obstacles, but the possibilities are much much more out there than in army. In army its like rock hard to change your vocation. But still its damn difficult to hit exactly what I want (total personal freedom is one of the condition) even if I get to choose the job/vocation/studies I like, I can get near it, but never exact.
This brings about two conclusions. One, I will be less miserable if im presented with a much wider range of job scope to choose from. Two, I will never be happy since its impossible to meet all criteria that I favor even with a wider job scope.
This is why even I got so many advantages in hand, I will never look back and appreciate and be happy with it. Becos all these is not what I want. There are still things in life that I'm happy about. Taking up DnT in sec 4 is a choice I love as well as Computing in JC. I got the freedom (cos few student, lessons schedule, how classes are held can easily alter to our liking) and creativity space, despite the fact it’s a not so recognized subject and some schools even look down on it. Being in VS is another nice choice, ppl and teacher there flexible and responsive to suggestions (suggesting again, freedom), though the result of the school is no good and no girls to ogle at. Joining CXtreme also, I get to influence the stuff the club does (freedom of activities held) and get to mix with ppl of my kind, even though its damn unknown and unfunded in the college.
U give me sharkfin, milk bath and money, then lock me up and u expect me to “oh, im lucky and should be happy im getting my sharkfin, milk bath and money every day like free”? NO! I will go “WTF I no freedom! This sucks like hell!”
Same thing, u expect me “Heng I service vocation, here no regiment, here no PT, no one scream in your face…”? NO! I will curse my unit for not letting me stay out. I dint say a shit in OETI cos it met my requirement of staying out (freedom). But OETI is one of the best place in army, meaning to say 99.99% of the time in army, u wun get all these good stuff. This is why I will never be happy in army, cos my freedom is NO NO when it comes to military contacts, at least for now in my situation. Freedom is only one thing I want..human want is infinite. Assuming if I dun get what I want, I will definitely be depressed, then liddat I will never be happy in army, or even in life.
Why? Why I never learn that I will never get all that I want in life, and should learn to appreciate what I already got and stop complaining and stay happy? That one I seriously dunno. For these past months I really really tried to be happy and stay positive. But I failed. This kind of emotion thing hard to control. How to make myself happy when deep down inside I feel depress? I try psycho myself also no use. I keep telling myself “its ok its alright im got lots of privilege liao…dun complain liao”. Still I cant stop ranting. Its just like clinical depression very hard to just snap out of it through one night of reflection, it require long time medication and counseling. I dun have mediation, I dun have counseling. I dun deny, im beginning to believe my condition is more than just personal perspective of life, but actually psychological problem. Mental illness that require to see doctor and eat pills than just sit in canteen let sergeant and officer talk through me.
Though I never see doctor to confirm, but I know myself I have clinical depression last time in AJ. Its very obvious, its not just months or days or just the instant but throughout the two years, whole day cut myself with pen knife and trying to stop myself from thinking too much by not sleeping at night, so the next day I will be too tired and sleepy to think. My traumatisation when I interact with large group of ppl (esp ppl I dunno) followed me through since young. I dun believe that condition is not a mental illness. That’s why I never attend any gathering and always fear things like orientation and posting to a new place. Not to mention my memory fails me when it comes to faces, names and numbers. I'm good in remembering events, what ppl said and procedures though.
For now anf then, a temporarily relief is to rant. To cry. To excite. If I keep everything one day I will really jump. Somehow when I say things out I feel much better. When I go out with ppl whom I know I trust I feel secure. When I accomplish smthing (IT related most of the time) I feel some hope.
I still remember I dint cry when I attended Jun Rong’s funeral, and I explained to suyee perhaps his death relief him permanently from pain. She flamed and say no matter how life is valuable and cannot just end liddat. I told her a lot of things is not as simple as that, unless she goes through what he went through, how exactly junrong felt and what exactly happen can barely be justified just by talking or hearing. One have to really go thru what another is experiencing to gain all insights, otherwise by just common theories and logic, through talking and listening, a lot of things are just simplified.
Will I die? Maybe? I dunno. But if one day I die, you will know I'm happy im dead. No need feel sad. Since I value freedom so much, I will die for my own freedom anytime, if I feel there is a need, since I believe death is ultimate relief. Parents, friends feeling sad for me when I die? That’s why I want to say now if I'm to die, I cant be anything more sad than when im alive, so no need feel painful for me liao. If my death can make someone else whom I deem worthy to be happy, why not? I will die for my friends, if my death can exchange anything for them. But one thing is if I dare to die not? Death can be damn painful. Also im not asking u to follow my ideology or smthing, everyone got their rights to their choice de, including beliefs. Dun like my thinking? I kindly say sorry and dun read my blog and forget what I said.
Hmmm…Maybe I should ask, can anyone help me?
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Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Oh great
[havoc] ranted at 8:13 PM --- Post#5502444500510492594
Yes, oh great!
Juz when u r thinking tt yr life is starting to change for the better, things juz start to go nasty and haywire. Oh great!
As wad I had mentioned last time, I had this MSG whom I wd say, is v particular of the regimentation in AFS. If I forgot to mention tt previously, my bad den! I juz pen down the 1st thing tt popped up in my head, so I cant recall much on wad I had written.
Anyway, regimentation. An asset to the AFS. A part and parcel in the eyes of trainees. Dun think of escaping tt when yr ass is in AFS. Yr life/ass is hanging on a single thin thread. A SINGLE THIN THREAD. So fragile and delicate tt it snaps easily. Too easily. Once u r caught by ppl who think they r big fucks, ( in actual case they r small fry who make up the AFS community) u r in for a BIG time.
Oh well, wad happened today was really unfortunate. We were juz gg down the stairs, heading for our well-deserved lunch, tt had been held up by some arsehole. As we r making our way down, a sissy by the rank of CPT, saw us and approached one of my friends. After disseminating the info he had retrieved frm my friend, tt's where the drama began.
"U all r the new batch of trainees undergg the v200A course, right? A v gd afternoon to u."
Juz when u r thinking this cpt was probably concerned abt our welfare, think again.
"FUCK U! I m yr CQ officer. Who's yr course commander? See me nv pay compliments/salute me? FUCK U ALL! Not marching in steps somemore. Trying to test the system, is it? Go back to yr classroom and march out again!"
Wow! A clear distinction of the diff in rank. How nice of him to highlight tt to us! Shd I thx him for tt? Well the ans to tt: FUCK U!
Seriously, I shd clarify tt when we were walking down the stairs, he was making his way down behind me. I juz turned ard. Since there was nth on his sleeves, (wc suggest he isnt a specialist) so the nx thing to look out for was his shoulder. As it was raining, and the sky was overcast, the whole AFS was pitch dark. I only saw a lump of black shit at his shoulder, I cant really tell whether he was a warrant or an officer. B4 I cd decipher further, we were fucked. Upside down.
The worst thing was: This whole scene was captured by my beloved Chong. Upon seeing tt, he gave us a dressing down. There was a detestable smirk in his face, which seemed as if he was gloating to himself abt our misfortune. Wad can I say? Tt's my beloved.
I was like thinking to myself as I finally settled dwn for lunch. If we were to pay compliments to every enciks/officers we see, we wd haf to stop every 10 steps during our marching to the ckhse. The whole place was flooding wif them. I cant really help by wondering, did our parents pay these NS regulars juz to get salutes frm us? Or r they here for more impt business?Certainly, if a CPT or other lower ranking officers juz popped up and u were unable to react in time, I thought we cd b excused frm saluting. I always tot the officers wd understand. Of cos, if u haf fast reflexes, by all means pay compliments to them.
Anyway, the atmosphere sux. I dread the days I spent in AFS.
To Guest: Glad tt u pt tt out! I noe tt we cd ask our superior for transport fees. However, after wad I had seen frm my course commander's actions yest, I cd safely conclude tt he's not the kinda of guy who wd tend to yr fucking needs. He was so lazy tt he wanted all of us to either stay in or stay out, so tt he wont nid to handle extra clerical work if there r some ppl who decide to stay in.
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Monday, August 27, 2007
wtfccb, knnbccb
[havoc] ranted at 8:34 PM --- Post#3592814836230848462
Sry for the dramatic title, but it cd haf gone more vulgar den tt. I tried to restrain myself frm getting emotional.
Spking of which, this is the 1st time I had ever gotten so emotional, after my return to AFS. The event that had occured juz today, in a way, had spurred me on to write this entry. Fuckers..
Seriously spking, we were told by 1 Sgt last Fri tt our course is a stay-in one. So I already prepared myself for a 5-wk AFS stay-in, which IMO, was better than staying out. 1stly, I was elated tt I wont haf to burn my salary on transport fee, juz to get to AFS everyday. If it is stay out, each trip costs abt $3, a trip to and fro will amt to $6.. 5 days work wk and my course is a 5 wk course.. So if u still haf the brains to work out how much it wd totally cost for my 5 wk stay out.. ROUGHLY 1/3 of yr salary is spent on transport ALONE!
2ndly, I haf to wake up damn bloody early juz to travel frm CCK to AFS(paya lebar). FUCK! Spking of care for soldiers.. Where's the care in the 1st place if I had less den 6 hrs of slp everyday.
FUCK!
Anyway, back to my story and the unfateful event tt took place. So today, much to everyone's surprise, we had our COURSE BRIEFING. Oh wow. A course briefing after the course had commenced. It cant get any better. Our course commander, a major by rank, came in and gave us a pep talk. Of course, the common issue of staying in for the bloody course was raised. There were verbal discussions. Here and there. Finally, a consensus was made.
"Those who wanna cont stay in bcos u think u cannot get to AFS in time can cont to do so. Those who think they can manage their time well, of cos u haf the freedom to choose."
Up to this pt, I think the thing tt made much sense were the holy words "freedom to choose". All embraced the idea. Finally, Fairy Godmother came by and granted the wishes of those who wanna stay out, and those who wanna stay in frm the start. Of cos, in every fairy tale story, likewise in my story, there is always a villian to pave the entrance of the godmother. The villian in my case, IS my course sgt by the name of MSG CHONG!
IF anyone is suffering of deprived childhood and doesnt noe anything abt fairy tales, I will use a more recent illustration to demonstrate wad I mean. Take for eg star wars, the Jedi prophecy of this chosen one who will bring balance to the force. Eventually, MSG CHONG assumed the role of Anakin Skywalker, later Darth Vader, and the major assumed the role of LUKE Skywalker.
After the godmother has made his leave, MSG Chong cast a death spell on those who wanna stay in. He wants everyone of us to either stay in or stay out. There IS NO CHOICE. Wow, so much for inviting the devil to yr doorsteps.
Fine, since most of us were against the idea of staying in, I haf to suck my thumb hard and complied to staying out, which awfully means I haf to burn my money on transport fee and wake up damn early.
The Chinese always believed in gd things come in pair. Well for me, gd things come in pair. Bad things come in a dozen. Yep! Another stupid theory of mine was proven true by my beloved MSG. I haf to bk in early tmr and Weds at 0715 to consume breakfast due to inadvanced notice given. SO I had to wake up at 0530, instead of the usual 0600.
FUCK! KNNB! I gave up. Conceded defeat b4 the war has even started. This is army. Yeah! When being asked whether we can report straight to Sungei Gedong for Xctry nx wk since we r staying out, the ans was a straight two letter word. BCOS coaches r hired to transport us frm AFS to Gedong. Wow! Splendid. So basically, I had to wake up early, take public transport dwn to AFS, take hired coach to Gedong, den back to AFS for the fucking indented dinner, den back home. Wow. The master nv ceased to amaze me. THE BLOODY GEDONG is JUZ AT THE FOOTSTEP OF MY HSE! BLOODY HELL. CCK AND LCK R SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER, seperated by 30 mins bus trip. Bloody hell. TO think I had to travel dwn to AFS by 0730, juz to take their bloody hired bus service to fetch me to Gedong which wd take us 50 mins to reach there.. I can juz simply wake up at 0730 at my hse and take a 30 min trip dwn to GEDONG, reaching b4 the coach does.
ONE WORD: INFLEXIBLE
AND, A BIG FUCK to Balvinder and his gang of smokers. Laughing at my friend's qn to tt.. Its not funny to stay out and not funny to travel frm one end of Spore to another end and back again. Poly grads nowadays lack the brains to discern stuff..
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Stay in lor...
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 12:31 AM --- Post#7688713569926383537
It has always to be smthing impactful enough to drive me to post here. I dunno why, but entering army, I dun feel like blogging at all. Perhaps last time there are new surprises here and there in life, but now entering the army…nothing is surprising. The daunting path seemed to be laid damn dead in front of me.
Yes, im posted back to 41FMP. How more suck can that be? I met up with the OC of 11, and he said no to staying out. Instead he gave me the following compromises:
- Give me opportunity to show myself, as there are lots of events tt will need someone to stir up a poster or a new unit tee. Upon two years, a testimonial will be given to me and it will be useful to enter ADM in NTU. If tasked, will be given stay outs and offs.
- Allow me stay out once a week to take courses, if everything goes well, up to two days a week.
- May extend my nights out timing, but I rejected it.
- May talk to iNet room admin to install software that I need.
Also, on workshop side:
- Say will make me do more of admin work (technician clerk?)
- Excuse me from most of the major outfield events, cos I got problem w heavy loads, esp field pack.
Whereas on the other stay out depot, they got like never ending work to do. Some 500 to 800 vehicles under there, when I only got like 50 of them in the workshop. They OT a lot until 10 or 11pm.
So with all these compromises, I dunno if it’s a good thing to stay here.
Staying in sucks, I was trying to think away from staying in for the past few days. Going out, doing my artwork, surf my forum…all but never think of staying in. Until just now I was packing my stuff…totally feel like going BMT tekong liddat, everything also need. Tell u I EX heavy load le, how carry so much stuff in bag? No more photoshop, illustrator, business, studio, blog, forums….no more when I stay in. And yet ppl keep asking why I dun want to stay in. Haiz…
Today do 6km run…end up walking..and my feet hurts like mad. Shoulder starts to tense like fuck again. Haiz..sians…
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Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Artwork: Lilies of Ethereality
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:15 PM --- Post#895139552750287187
[Click for full size image]
Explanation
Its pretty simple: a tranquil scene at a lotus or water lily pond. Perhaps Im trying to cheer myself up from the recent trauma from NS by portraying a little paradise for me to hide myself? Also this piece to specially dedicated to someone.
Inspiration
Inspired from a name of a person. Also from an online tutorial which teaches how to make the petals from Blending. In the tutorial is another flower, but later i tot of making lotus flower form the same technique. I always see the semi transparent effect when sunlight pass thru water lily's petal. Credits to Samuel Liu from my sec 4 VS Art Elective class for detailed critic and coming up with the name "Lilies of Ethereal", then renamed "Lilies of Ethereality" by Yue Ting.
Technical Details
Software - Adobe Photoshop CS 3, Adobe Illustrator CS 3
Time taken - About two weeks
Canvas Size - 4000x3000px
The petals of the flowers are drawn by splitting the petal outline into two symmetrical parts, then use the Blend tool in Illustrator to gradually change the shape and colour of the lines from one part to another. There can be like 100 lines in between two parts. U can also see similar pattern of lining design on an actual lotus flower. As its made of lines, there are empty space in between, making it look translucent from far.
The sunshine is made from Flare tool.
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Ah Ting [VR-Zone Essay Competition]
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:35 PM --- Post#7685700684350652251
Foreword
Pardon me for my bad English, im trying my very best to improve on it. Here is my essay and hope you guys like it. Certain parts of the story are based on real life incidents, while some others are purely dramatic.
To play safe, all characters, organization, events and location in the story are fictitious and if found relevant to real life, it’s purely coincidental.
Chapter 1: The new beginning
Folding down the laptop with eyes focused on the couple, I couldn’t help but keep staring at the girl. Nope, not because she was hot and sexy, but rather she look like someone who I will never forget, for deep cuts in my heart are hard to heal and the scar shows forever.
I’m yet another Singaporean, living in this boring and dull country, with my future path all set nicely for me. Parents call this “planning”, but I rather see it as restriction. So like a lot of other students, I took the Junior College path after my secondary school. Base on my L1R5, I blindly choose a college close to it.
Before I knew it, I stepped into this whole new world – Andersen Junior College. I was from a boy school, the presence of girls in the college simply amazed me. This new breed of human has long hair and chirpy voice, with an acute sense for cuteness and strange mentality, like always expecting the guys to give way to them, which I thought to be very wrong. Maybe that’s why I’m one of the weirdo.
Orientation in school was not as exciting as I though, it’s filled with the plain old and boring ice breaking games that I had played umpteen times in life. All I could say is that it’s more like laming around and wasting time. One hokkien word described the day – “sian”. For the first time I got to interact closely with girls, but honestly speaking, I cannot understand why some guys will go gaga over them. Perhaps I would after some time?
Chapter 2: Ah Ting
After a week’s time, everything more or less settled down. I found a spot in canteen where I could take a nap before morning assembly, all thanks to my morning blues. I could not remember the date and day, but that morning I was as usual resting my lumpy body on the canteen bench … until a voice broke my dream and woke up up.
“Ya, that one must use Photoshop one…you come my blog see lor..”
I was like, “woo, sounds like a tech babe to me!” and sat up. That was how I met Ah Ting. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, but no, Ah Ting is not one of those chilly bimbos with big boobs and curvy figures. I would not call her ugly as well, perhaps due to my poor taste, but I though she looked alright, just that she never bother much about accessories or make up like other girls. Her face looked a bit the long and her skin is mid-tan, her hair was tied into a cutie pony tail that I often played with, swirling the chunk of hair in circles and waiting to see her pissed off face. Hehe. Ah Ting was definitely quite short, for the fact I’m already very “ka-tek”, she was one head shorter than me! Ah Ting got big eyes! A bit like those you would see in anime and cartoon, and a delicate nose below and ever chattering lips above her round chin.
We started as good friends, reason being very simple – both of us like imaging. The passion of photography and graphic design flowed through our heart. We were stuck to each other like how we were stuck to Adobe Photoshop. But we remained as just good friends for a long time.
Chapter3: The Messenger
Our communications were done mainly over the internet, as both of us were very IT reliant people, perhaps due to our interest in imaging. Through the bits and bytes that flowed through the cables, our feelings and souls were sent at lightning speed between our usual chat client – MSN messenger, or perhaps sometimes Pidgin if we felt like it. At a key stroke of “Enter”, my port would be open for her. Just for her.
I enjoy all our chat session, in fact even better than the usual chats we had in college. This was simply because over the messenger we could express our feelings for each other more daringly and strongly. Our usual chat topics were more than geek talks, a lot of time I ask her how was it like to be a girl, how she found herself, how she looked at other girls, how she would dress herself up… I had 101 questions to ask, and for every question she replied me patiently.
She never hid her feelings from me, I knew exactly when she is feeling low.
“You ok anot? Cheer up can? Promise me dun think too much le k? No matter how, I just want you to stay happy. ” I would message. The next day in college she would come up to me with her sunny big smile and whisper to me under her breath, “Thank you, I ok liao..”
Once, I told her that if she is feeling sad, she should find a friend who is willing to listen to her and tell this friend about your entire problem, after saying out, she will feel much better. She busted into tears and wrapped her arms around me. After wetting my uniform for five minutes, she finally looked up, straight into my eyes and said, “Aint you already the one willing to listen to me all the while?” Isn’t Ah Ting cute?
It’s about half a year after we knew each other, when one day she suddenly popped a question to me, “Hmm, you so nice to me hor. Can you be my sis?” Can I be not shock? Why would she want be to be her sister when I am a guy? Naturally I questioned her.
“Orh, because I never have a sister in my family mah, since you so nice to me, why not be my sister?”
Oh well, I could not find a reason not to play along, could I? Strange enough, she really treated me like her sister, she had secrets with me, we did homework together, we Skype each other every night gossiping about others in college, we even went Sim Lim Square for shopping together. All these were just like what girls and girls will do in school, from what I observed. But of course, I’m no way getting gay or any sexual disorientation.
Chapter4: Sabotage
Thinking back, I could still remember that time when I was sabotaged by my classmate. It was a creepy girl who back stabbed me, she kept spreading rumors and talking behind my back, saying im a freak, im not normal and other stuff to dirty my name, and so my friends would start leaving me, all just because I quarreled with her good friends over some small matters. I was called to the Principal’s office and was interrogated for what actually happened, and that block head actually believed her words and reprimanded me for creating trouble.
After the session of vocal bombardment from my Principal, I hid myself in a corner of my empty CCA room and my tears were almost rolling down. Perhaps it’s fate, Ah Ting came in to use the computers in the CCA room and found me and my depression there. I thought she may had already heard about what happened, therefore never asked a single question. Ting rushed to me and came to my side, using her small and cute hands and held my arm tightly. Then she gently put her palms onto my face and brought it to her direction, as she knew I did not feel like facing her.
“Its ok de…she is a bitch and I know it. Don’t think too much hao mah?”
“Im alright…” I replied, with my tears at the edge of my eyes.
She looked deep into my eyes and stretched her arms to hold me close to her warm body. I could feel some kind of special feeling she passed to me, and all of a sudden I felt so brave and courageous, powered with confidence. She withdrew her arms and took something out from her purse. It’s a little plaster.
“Nah give this to you!” She stuffed the plaster into my palm, closing it. “I give you this Elastic Plaster, if you feel sad neh, you just apply on your heart, then there will be no more pain le…”
Of course I cannot really apply the plaster onto my heart, and I don’t know how she got that kind of idea from. But what I know was her care and concern could really ease the pain in my heart. I was back to my normal self after a few days. And as to what happen to that creepy girl later on, I do not wish to elaborate on.
Chapter5: New Love
Examinations are the hell part of Junior College life. These strenuous activities totally drain your mana and gobble up your health points. What to do? “Mug lor!” is the common answer. I was burying myself in this whole pile of physics reference books, tutorials, lecture notes and Ten Years Series in the afternoon, some months before JC 2 midyear. I was all alone in the deserted classroom that not much people know of on the fourth floor of Block 13.
All of a suddenly, a huge force acted on my shoulders as Ah Ting levered herself up on my shoulders.
“Eh sis pain lah!” I yelled. She giggled. Then she sat down beside me.
I was expecting her to either take out her own notes to study, or borrow my materials. But nope, she just sat there and stared at me. Her crystal like pupils wandered over me, as she leaned forward and look at me. I was busy on my studies and did not bother to find out what she was doing.
The silence finally broke. “Eh, who do you think I like?” Hmmm…what kind of question is that? Although I know the answer is me sub consciously, I replied saying that I did not know what she was talking about.
“Guess lah! Guess guess leh!”
I pretended to think for a long time, and just as I was about to say “I seriously don’t know”, she put her finger over my lips.
“Shhh…you don’t’ need to answer me, I know u have an answer in your heart le. Kekeke”. She paused, and with that crafty eyes of hers scanning my baffled expression, she continued. “Your answer in your heart is correct wor!”
Oh god! Holy! I did not have a mirror, but I could feel hot blood running up my cheeks. Ah Ting lean even closer to me, and drew her face near mine. She pecked me on my forehead. She grabbed the physics notes I was holding on to and threw them rudely on the table, so that she could have my left hand. She opened up my palm and held hers tightly onto mine.
“I think I like you.” She spoke softly, with earnest.
I did not say a thing, simply placed my other palm on top of hers, and reached my head for her lips. I love her lips, the lips that spoke so much to me for the past times were mine then. I could feel her tongue colliding with mine and her saliva oozing into my mouth. The sense of love was ultimate.
I embraced her with my arms, sliding down to feel her tender waist line. From there I secured my hug and she locked herself into me. I could feel energy exchange between us, I could feel passion, I could feel warmth and I could feel everything in her. I think she was feeling the same thing as I was.
I love her.
Chapter6: Deep Cut
It was nearing J2 prelims, both of us were mugging at a food center near college. Ah Ting was happily eating her Ba Chor Mee, while I’m more like wolfing down last minute knowledge from my math formulae sheet. The more I tried to for in, the more mental block I get. I read from my watch 15 minutes from exam, and hastily cleared the table off my studying materials and gulp down my noodles within minutes.
“No time liao no time liao!” I yelled, as the both of us packed our bags are preparing to go back to college, hoping that I could remember something of out of my formulae sheet. I held her hand and dashed across the road with my notes on the other hand, constantly referring to it while on the go. That was how desperate I was. My results were worst than poor, and I doubt myself having any chance of going to University, thus I got to hope that all these last minute studying would actually help, though I knew it wouldn’t.
The wind was strong and the sky was dark, it was going to rain in some minutes’ time. I hurried to keep my notes, but was too shagged to concentrate and dropped all of them instead. I didn’t say a word, both of us started squatting down to pick up my damned lecture notes, in hope the wind would not blow them away.
“Oh shit! Where is my calculator?” I exclaimed, while stuffing my notes into my bag and searching for my math machine at the same time.
“Aiya you surely left it on the table! Never mind I help you get, you faster rush back to college first!” She ordered, and handed me the remaining stack of notes she collected from the ground.
I could not think much but to set my pace fast against time and ran in the direction of the school. It was just about a minute before I hear a devastating screech and an ear piercing horn. Noticing that something was amiss, I ran back to the kerb of the road and found a scene of disaster.
My darling was lying on the road, and her limbs were twisted in an unnatural way, blood could be seen running profusely from a deep cut on her forehead. More blood stains were splattered on the road and one of her shoes was right at the other side of the road near the kerb.
The lorry which caused all these mess stopped a few meters from my girl. The driver seemed daze and disoriented. He tried to pick up his phone to make a call but his hand could not even coordinate to hold the device up properly. He yelled and screamed like girl and used his hands to cover his head.
I did not know how to react. I rushed to her body and fell to my knees. I tried shaking her but she laid still and my hands were full of her blood. I wiped away her blood on my uniform but they were still there! I could see a crowd gathering around…and I thought I saw police officers rushing to the scene. Someone pushed me aside as they carried my girl away onto the stretcher. I ran up to follow, but was pulled away and brought into another ambulance.
I seriously cannot accept the truth. As I sat down onto the ambulance, I felt something hard in my pockets. My bloodied palm reached in to take it out – a calculator, and my name was written big and clear on it.
Blood dripped onto the calculator and the drop found its way out of the maze of buttons and landed on my lap.
The End
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Monday, August 20, 2007
PC Repair Experiences
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 2:46 AM --- Post#760989988349024374
Projects Projects
I'm taking time off now to blog. Though really, I dunno what to talk about. Every day now is about racing against time, to finish my projects asap. Ya ppl over at 41 keep thinking I no live, whole day stay at home dunno do what. But I got my own plans and stuff to do. I got a list here.
Short term project:
- Complete Jaben Tee shirt design
- Complete Noise "We create Noise not clothes" tee shirt design
- Complete "Water Lily" art work
- Complete ZOMBiE Studios logo design
- Brainstorm of "Abstract Thorns" design
- OCR and make a little summarized guide book for Shining Tribe Tarot deck
- DIY/buy casing for Shining Tribe Tarot deck
- DIY foam for CK7 IEM
Mid Term Projects:
- Complete AJC AJIABAS Online catalogue
- Rapid experience gain from various PC repair work
- Research more on PC hardware in order to build my own machine
Long Term Projects:
- Take up a course from SAE, be it Animation or Audio Engineering
- Take up driving course
- Prepare, gather ppl and money to set up mini office to do PC repair work and graphic design
- Build own machine, subsequently provide service to help ppl assembly PC
PC Repair Experiences
Recently I got a few PC repair cases up for me, great for experiences. I learnt that doing PC repair and services is far more than just knowledge and experience, things like how to make customer happy and how to get info of problems through MSN/SMS/Phone is important.
I charge $30 for helping a guy remove a porn pop-up (simply using MS config to stop it from popping out on boot then delete it manually). Somehow I feel that is not enuff, so I went a step more to install Spy Bot to clear off most spywares, and found lots of "free" software he had are spywares. Also emptied off all unnecessary start up apps to make windows boot faster, and then informed him to use Firefox instead of IE to reduce cases of infecting with all these nonsense adverts. Then told him that a lot of so call Free Software are not really free, comes with baddies scripts. At first I feel guilty of taking $30 from him, but not now, cos I go the extra mile to make him a very contented customer. (Actually its $50, my dad koped $20, I refused to give him $20, in the end negotiate he took only $10. But $30 is what I should actually get, as its outside market price. The $10 is considered dad give to me de.)
Then I helped him upped the RAM. Bought from SLS Active Photo for $60+, help install in. Then also Windows got some connection problem with Ethernet and wireless, such that despite me manually adjusting the IP and stuff, it still dun work. Windows simply cannot acquire any IP address and network connection over ANY access point or router. I live booted to Linux SLAX and everything is fine. That time I was very tried cos camp got lots of Over Time, and since his data is very little, he agreed to re-format to make things snappy. Reformatted and as usual, I loaded it up with my power freeware such as IRFan View, jetAudio, SpyBot, Avast!, MSN Plus, VLC and MPC Player…. Also configured to write Chinese words for him. Went his house gimme lectures on how to use the apps and configure router summore. I got $100 out of it. $60+ buy RAM, meaning I earn $30+ only. I took $30 and gave dad the remaining few bucks. Dad was complaining, ya I know he get damn little, I would had expected him (the customer) to pay more, but then its more like he pay whatever money he think worth my service, cos he and my dad old friends liao. If my dad was to service for him personally, he wun charge anything, but now it's me mah, I dunno him, then must take time off go his house and no sleep for nights help him settle these, I think for all these lots of trouble $30 is bu guo fen lor.
Thinking its still quite fun doing PC repair work, im not some pro in Windows or hardware, but I think im enough to help ppl solve general PC problems. At least I know how to search for solutions online, though its cheating, but I can always reformat. Some ppl dun even noe how to reformat windows, that's the problem. Can generate some extra income also.
Hope to Stay out. Hope comes!
I was using Master's ISAC card to log in and emailed the OC about why I want to stay out. I will not repeat the reasons, for I had blogged many times about it before. I took like half a hour to compose my 500 word master piece and he took only 5 minutes to read and called me on my hand phone. I was damn shocked. He told me meet him Tuesday 8am, to discuss. I seriously hope to stay out. Serious. Wish me all the best, wish me good luck!
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Monday, August 13, 2007
Past, Present, Future
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:11 PM --- Post#4523152714060328113
I bought a deck of Tarot card (Shining Tribe Variant) for $33, it comes with a book explaining how to use it. My time is almost up, the battle to stay out to serve my passion is almost over. Seriously looking at the situation now i cannot predict anything. IT depend on factor like posting, interview with S1 Branch, ability to sneak home during nights off, medical reviews, going Wallaby or India or not, if OC allow change of unit... Lots of factors and i trying to fight for all. So i decided to buy a deck or Tarot to see how and what i should do. I know it sounds damn lame, cos im never a religious person, and why am i believing in such superstitious thigys?
I researched online. Tarot cards are sometimes used by psychiatrists on their patients, to evoke their sub conscious and relate it to their conscious state of mind. After reading the book, i think its like when u pick the cards, you will be force to relate your current situation onto the cards, as the cards are organized in like "Past, Present, Future" or "Body, Mind, Spirit" or simply drawn after a question is ask, therefore there will be some organization to your current situation as well, making things look easier and offering some possible area of approach and help or alternate path from the cards.
I dun really believe in spirits controlling the cards or smthing, but i do believe its a way of relief, clearing your mind and organisation of thoughts and an opportunity to ponder and meditate (ya i always meditate with techno music).
.
.
.
I did a simple 3 card spread (and a hell lot of time shuffling the cards b4 that, my first try i got 3 consecutive cards from the pre-arranged deck, i consider tt a no count). The first card represent Past, the next Present and lastly Future.
Past: 9 of Trees
Book says: Grief for something lost. Emotional pain. Deep sorrow that takes away our joy. Need to seek help. Need to look at something in ourselves we do not want to face or do not believe. More simply, it might call for us to allow grief or sadness. We look at this card primarily from the issue of regaining our lost power. However, in readings where the card comes up as a recommendation, it might suggest that we allow others to help us, even rescue us, the way Giulgameshg rescues Inanna.
It seems like referring to AJC times, pretty accurate, the pain and grief i had there is much more than i had in army. It may also refer to the torment during BMT.
"Need to look at something in ourselves we do not want to face or do not believe." Referring to my results, my poor relationships and troubles in AJ?
"regaining our lost power", hmmm...lost power.. Power referring to my better grades in primary and secondary school, and lost drastically in JC?
Present: The Emperor
Book says: The play between aggressive and healing energy. Abstract ideas, rationality. Setting firm boundaries, ruling your own territory, taking responsibility. Emotional remoteness. Sexuality, especially masculine sexuality. Fathers and fatherhood.
This is a bit more tricky. Aggressiveness may come from me defending my own character traits (even its no good) against certain brainwashing organization and perhaps the army ppl around me. Abstract ideas of how my vocation is going to be like and how my it will affect my future and setting my firm will that i want to stay out/not go overseas to self study. Emotional remoteness cos my good friends all now can only be access via online means...no physical someone i can talk to for now... Masculine refers to army? But i grew more fats than anything leh.
Future: 5 of Trees
Book says: Inner meaning, things going on under the surface. Withdrawal, especially to nurture a "secret" self. Healing that is not apparent on the surface. Development of aspects of yourself that you are not ready to show to others.
I hope it means withdrawal from my current vocation to nurture my passion for IT and imaging and audio, and of course there is no healing in this political battle field. The aspects of myself in IT? in Graphic Design? But one big problem: All these my passion of a geek is NOT A SECRET and i dun think its "not ready to show others" when im already ding job for others.
So this secret self and developing aspect of me is what??? Dun tell me is the hidden pro army turret technician in me, that will become skillful enough to show others. Wah then liddat meaning i cannot OOC...and got to stay in Kranji? Does it mean tt?
For this 5 of Trees...i need time to ponder what it is actually trying to say.
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M'sia Version of MC Hotdog
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:07 PM --- Post#7837062631374833401
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Sunday, August 12, 2007
Fucked up test
[havoc] ranted at 2:13 PM --- Post#8343668103967254737
This is a true incident, but language altered to produce dramatic effect.
So much for screwing up my TP test on Fri, now I have to wait for a retest on this coming tues. While the rest r bz wif their island wide driving yest, I was bz mourning for my so-called blunder in my test.
Out of the 8 who went for the test, only 3 failed. So coincidentally, I was one of the trio. I wasnt nervous at all tt day. Okay, mayb I was abit nervous. However, tt didnt contribute to my major downfall of the test.
I remb I was at the slip road at CCK waiting for the right moment to cut into lane 2 (straight gg lane), bcos the outermost left lane is an exclusive left turning lane. So there I was, waiting. Waiting for the perfect opportunity. No doubt traffic was medium, the chance to move finally appeared. I ensured tt the taxi tt was turning right had stopped at the yellow box, b4 I brought my vehicle out of the slip road and into the 2nd lane.
It was a success. When almost 3/4 of my vehicle was in the 2nd lane, my tester demanded me to peer at my right mirror. I acknowledged. There I saw the taxi turning into the same lane as me, behind my vehicle. And so comes the quarrel of the century.
"DID U CHECK yr right mirror AND CFM tt there WAS NO MORE VEHICLES turning right, or cfm tt the vehicles turning right came to a STOP at tt junction?"
"I DID. I CFM THE TAXI STOPPED at the yellow box, b4 I moved the vehicle out of the slip road."
"Then how come the taxi is now behind u, slowing down to gif way to u, when yr vehicle is still halfway into the 2nd lane?"
"But I ensured the taxi stopped. At the yellow box. U saw tt I stopped at the slip road to gif way to traffic turning right. If u saw me moving off at the same time as the taxi, u wd haf pulled my handbrake and fail me on the spot."
Seeing tt he was on the verge of losing his pt in this argument, the tester bitched..
"U shd noe better tt yr vehicle is slow moving. U shd gif way to the taxi, even if U saw it stop at the yellow box. The taxi is faster den u in terms of their pickup speeds."
Oh well, since he wanna put it tt way, I reluctantly accepted my defeat. Its pointless to argue wif him. Though I m not wrong to move my vehicle at tt point in time, he was also not wrong in pointing out tt my vehicle wd cause some form of obstruction, shd the taxi turned into the lane when I m halfway into it.
It all depends on luck, as wad my DI wd say. He had shown recognition in the way I handled the 3 tonner wif utmost care for other road users. He had also praised me of my driving skills, having mastered the handling of the 3 ton in less den 3 wks.
Having flunked my TP test, I sat down at the training shed, alone. Feeling thirsty, I went over to the water cooler to refresh myself.
I used to find cold water frm the water cooler refreshing like morning dew. However, the water frm the water cooler on Fri suddenly tasted so different. It was so.. so salty.
Soon I discovered its not water I m drinking. The source: colourless solution produced by my eyes.
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Friday, August 10, 2007
The NS Song
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:57 PM --- Post#5744049041193625396
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earWax Story
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 9:39 PM --- Post#8284748110500927602
Its a long time since i properly blog.
31 July 2007
I went to MO,cos my left ear cannot hear anything. Its nothing new actually, everytime water enter my ear, it will be clotted. Clotted with water or ear wax or half dissolved ear wax, that one i dunno. But this time it was clotted for quite long le, so i decided to see the MO. Really irritating, my hearing already fucked up liao, clotted le cant hear a shit.
"I use waxsol, then the liquid went in never come out, become worst"
"Hmm cannot be leh..." Use some instrument poke into my year, "wah lao, ear wax so much?"
"My mom help me dig out the ear wax is wet de leh"
"hmm, i dunno, my best guess is too much earwax stuck. I give u this olive oil, this one you must make sure it goes right deep in, then after an hour or so, it will dry up itself, no need for u to suck it out or anything Also i will give u this referral letter to SGH just in case. "
"oh ok, thank you sir!"
I walked out of the room, being damn happy that now i got OLIVE oil! Yeah! I got the bottle of oil, it says for smoothing hair and moisturizing skin. BUT NEVER SAY PUT EAR LEH!!!
So nvm, i was given a syringe and pump up the Olive oil and WOOSH, send all of them right into my ear, following the instructions to reach the deepest of my ear. Since he say both ear got also too much wax, i pump in the oil into both ears.
Hong KanS!!!
Cant hear! How u expect to hear anything with your ear filled with oil? But nvm, mo say wait a hour or so then will dry. I waited ONE WHOLE DAY!!! Never dry! The whole day like deaf liddat sia!
But nvm, i continued...
For the Next few Days..
Ya, i was fucking deaf for that few days. Whole ear olive oil, and i remb damn clearly he told me must reach the deepest of my ear to soften all wax. After some days i gave up, the olive oil just made me too deaf.
At the end of the week, my left ear (initially the one w problem) ok liao! No more oil inside finally! But then my right ear (initially alright) still clotted!!! Fuck?! And my referral letter to SGH neh? Never come! They promise say withing few days will call me up or my unit! where isit?
10 Aug 2007
I fed up le. Right ear still clotted. I called the medical center ask for my referral letter. No have! they cant find! I told my sergeant..and he told me to go and report sick again. I went to the medical center at 2...and rotted for two hours till 4pm then got to see the MO. This time its a different one. He searched the database and found my referral letter, he previous MO did wrote it but the medic did not execute (send to SGH and process)! Ya...so i bai bai waited for a week?! If not i go ask then maybe i will never get! Second time liao! last time my shoulder also liddat! Wah thanks!
HE ask if i got dig my ear. I say yes. He say dig more, more wax, now too late. Nothing to do. No cure till i see SGH ENT specialist. I keep telling him its a horror to work when my one ear cant hear properly, ppl talk to me i need to "huh? louder!" b4 i can get the message. What if got smthing dangerous then ppl shout to warn me i cant hear? What if got some important message i miss out? Its damn dangerous and inconvinent! Yet he cant gimme an answer. Just say not serious, ask me dun dig and KEEP APPLYING OLIVE OIL. He say i should not put the whole ear...one drop will do. Wah lao, previous MO say de mah, fill until must reach the deeeep inside.
By the time i go back to workshop, ppl falling out le. Everyone looking at me. My turret friend see like i trying to slack away dun do work. My IC and officer keep asking lots of question, somehow i feel they damn irritated and not happy with so many problems going on with me. Somehow i think the whole workshop loking at me with tinted vision.
good lor. Fantastic medical service. I go deaf they happy lor. No more audiophile.
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Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Pics of The Day
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 7:25 AM --- Post#7680939645321990148
Some freaky pics found in Vr forums. Enjoy!!!
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Monday, August 06, 2007
Print Tee too exp
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 1:14 AM --- Post#3525031895427375058
Nothing much to blog about. Been very busy recently, trying to settle the tee shirt things and last minute designs before i stay in. How sad. Watched harry potter and order of phoenix, its not as nice as the other movies.
Hai. Pinger helped me ask the tee shirt pricing. Its $65, due to
- colour too many (est 50+)
- images too big
- black is hard to print on
How neh?
Recently met this wenze from VR, a mech in my camp, also started playing UT w this pro.
See...told u nothing to blog liao lor...
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Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Completed Halo 2!
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 8:15 AM --- Post#3801800042818487808
Yeah, completed Halo 2 for Vista, hacked to play on XP. Halo 2 is much easier to play than Halo 1 sia. Some levels in Halo 1 is madness. Map in Halo 2 more straight forward, no more losing of directions.
The dual wielding of weapon is cool. Choose two single-hand-operated weapons of any kind and dual wield them. Can be SMG with plasma rifle, or pistol with needler.
The new Battle Rifle is cool also. More accurate and powerful than the previous assault rifle. The Covanent Cabine also not bad, but its semi-auto, one shot per trigger squeesed.
Overal very fun lah, prefer Halo 2 to 1, though the gameplay is much faster and shorter. I dint use any cheats neh!
Bad thing is its ported from XBOX, even the ABXY button labelling still there. Also graphically not much option, only Low, Medium and High. Cannot choose lightings, shading, shadow, model, fog and stuff. I will give up things like fog, shaow, anti-alisaing, water reflection, lust and glow for high model and environmental detail.
Below just 3 screen shot i took.
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