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Sunday, May 14, 2006
PoPo
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 1:37 AM --- Post#114754183187998438

The Old Folks Home
This is a true story, written with help from my cousin Tomato

"Aiyo...i tell you got a dog noes how to tok hakka one...wahh..behind there got this suan-zai veri nice and juicy...tt woman says she is waiting for you" My grandma was babbling in her hakka-cum-chinese language. I was smiling, looking at her, sitting on her plainly designed yet soild wheel chair.

I wun lie about it, but the old folks home is quite smelly. Well, compared to those paying $1500+ per month, this $800 per month home is not as nice lah. The ventiation is a bit lacking and the air smells stale inside. But in terms of food, manpower, security, hygeine and all the rest, i find it still alright.

So im wondering, since young we had been told not to leave our parents in homes, But isit necessary true. Looking at my grandma spinning tales from her imgaination to my mum and being able to recognise me, her condition is definitely better than last time.

Before she came to thos old folk's home, she was staying with Uncle, along with Aunt, Tomato and CC, when her diabetic condition worsen. Failing eyes, rotting legs, memory loss...all those
came to her. A few years before she could still go back to her 3-room HDB home. Later on she had problem recognising her way home from the nearby food center. Haiz..poor Grandma. Not long after, she cant even recognise me...Thats when they decided to sell her 3-room flat unit and let her stay permanently in my Uncle's house, since staying in my house isnt convient as there are two guys (me and Dad, whom she dun really favour) over here. Over there is only her own Son and her beloved CC since young.

Well, there were lots and lots of problem then. The rest complained that Grandma was unhygenic yet Uncle tot its the cheapest and most convinent way to look after her. Day in day out, Uncle will ask Mum over to bath her, feed her, clean her blah blah blah. My mum would then grumble that she is busy and needa look after Sis. While Uncle thought that he needa look after his shares and stocks and share his teaching with some other teachers was more important.

Obviously one pushed the job to another and it end up both sides not being happy. There was also quarrel over money issues on who to pay for her medical fees and who should be responsible for her 3 meals. Even with her 3-room flat sold for her medical fee, they had problems over where to place the money and who to keep them. Haiz...

Mom wanna hire a maid to tend to Grandma. But then hor, i heard that Aunt wasnt happy lah. Cos she dun want Uncle to be with the maid since my Unlce can be staying in the house if there isnt any lessons for him to relieve. Wah lao...then my mum was blaming Uncle say why he dun wanna find a proper job, so that Aunt and Uncle will leave home and come back around the same time and the mian will tend to Grandma alone. But thats Uncle's life lah...we got no right at all to intervene lor, thats what i feel lah. I actually feel that his carefree and relaxing life as a tutor cum relieve teacher is quite nice lah.

Behind one another, though i have no evidence, i think both side of the family were badmouthing each other lah, each told my Grandma different story. Sometimes Uncle would make some unreasonable request such as purposely asking to help Grandma bath when she isnt free. Mum sometimes oso did a sloopy job to anger Uncle when feeding Grandma lor.

IMHO, both sides were a bit the...how to say...think they themselves were right. Not only that, Grandma gotta bear with all the side effects of the "war" lor. No one was accompaning her, she never got a good meal, she got stuck in the house whole day long...sometimes she even met with accident in the house and no one knows...Being money minded, Grandma oso gotta worry where her money will land to lah...despite being so old liaoz..

Then last year December, i really no eyes see liao. Grandma had a bad fall. Since they wanna save money, they decided to look at her conditions before sending her to the hospital. Then her condiiton after like one week really CMI liao, no choice "waste money" call ambulance. Well...she could had learnt how to walk, but her failing memory was really...until she can like 4get everything...the therapist said she was lazy...during therapy session she was slacking...

She was living in this hazy dazy world...everything oso dunno...blue blur de. Then she got discharged and they found her the cheapest Home.

Despite being the cheapest, the fresh air outside and sunshine and the much more nutritious food she is having everyday now totally changed her. Her health is a lot better and she can recognise ppl le! Yeah! Not only that, there is no more on going war on how to "处理" Grandma like last time in Uncle's house. The care given is much better than that by Uncle and Mum who was trying to "faster get the job done". Money? All will be spent on staying in the home! No more worries on where it lands! Every week, they will bring some good food for Grandma. A lot of voluntary working there oso to keep her company, compared to getting stuck at home whole day last time.

Compared to last time....all the family poli-dicks and all that. Her life now in the home is i think...much much much better. As her grandson, all i can do now its to listening her imagined fables and stories she told me everytime i visit her...

Stuffs long long long ago
My Mum and Tomato aint close to Grandma lah. Grandma was a 重男轻女 old fashioned woman. According to relatives, Grandma was one of the most aggrogant and money minded woman along the family lines. She used to shove house chores and stuffs to Mum and reserve the best for Uncle. I heard she even proclaimed "我就是重男轻女，怎么样?". When Mum fell when she was a gal, its always Grandpa that buy ice cream for her...and she cant really be bothered.

Grandpa's salary was often koped by Grandma. Obviously Grandma was biased towards Mum, and when she got married she dun really liked Dad...

Even worse, she asked for a room with her own private lock each in Uncle and Mum's house.

"我有钱是我的事，你们一定要孝顺我！"

She expected Uncle's first child to be a boy, yet it turned out its a gal (yes that cute Tomato!). So...she dun like Tomato as well...instead favour CC, her bro lor....

As u can see...things were complicated since long ago. This family poli-dicks had been going on long long long long.

My Thoughts
Well, my Grandma could be quite a tyrant last time, but thats according to a lot of my relatives, how she is in the past i really dunno. But even how bad she was...she is quite pathetic now. I not saying the two families not doing their job properly to look after her, just that like many other busy dads and moms, they seemed to had 4gotten to take care of her emotional needs. So if they cant do the job well, asking somoene else to do it (ie the home) is better than letting Grandma caught in between them lor. So going to the old folks home sometimes not really that bad, no need worry about family poli-dicks, money, all those stuff that will make Grandma frow more wrinkles...I used to hate her. But not now.

Tomato dun seem to be able to bury the hatchet. I cannot blame her, she lives w Grandma all the while, adding that Grandma dun ever favour gals, things got worse. But she told me her hate isnt increasing. I not Tomato, i not her, i cannot say why she petty or what, cos i not there to go thru what she felt. I cannot justify.

Maybe this is karma, cos Grandma last time dint treat the rest well, not this is the ending she got. Dun always assume all grandmas are kind old ladies.

Last note, please dun take the anger on the two families, im sure they have their side of the story to be told. Im sure they have their reasons, no one is perfect, i cant even promise i sure to take good care of my parents well when they grow old. Look at this with an open mind. Im just glad my Grandma is off most of the troubles now lahs!

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