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I Call Myself
ZOMBiE CYGIG

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Maha Bodhi School, Victoria School, Anderson JC, LASALLE College of the Arts

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Thursday, May 31, 2007
Free Smoking Day
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 8:31 PM --- Post#5171777181503069404

Smoke Free day in OETI is more or less like some Aces Day in school. Just that the workout and LifeRun cancelled due to CAT 1.



The following text had been BlogLocked. Select all, copy and paste into BlogLock and decrypt with the correct password.





I went home after that to change up and wash up, rang up Tomato and ask her meet me at Eunos MRT. Soon enough, after some gossiping and cock talking on the train, we arrived at City Hall and slowly walked our way to Marina Square. Down one level to first storey and to Swensen.

We spend like…damn long decided what ice cream to eat lah. Simi guai lan ice cream on fire, what Banana Shit, Neh Neh 5…I seldom eat ice cream in Swensen, I always eat their main course main only. Weird rite… So we ordered two Gold Rush and I want an extra Curry Chicken Baked Rice.

Then we went into cock toking session again. Tomato was telling me that NYJC has one of the better facilities among the other JC, bigger in space also. Then I got to know that they dun have Auditorium. I was like WTF? No Audi? Then she told me her four Lecture Theaters each sitting capacity is about 800 to 1000. WAH! My Lt sitting capacity is I think only 200 leh! Each class 20 ppl, then one lecture 10 classes, about 200 lor! I think AJ’s audi sitting capacity is only about 1000 lor, which is the same as one of their LT! No wonder they no need Auditorium, cos their one LT is as big as our Audi liao sia!

So I told her in AJ, sometimes the teacher got to call and ask the other teacher in another LT, which has the same on going lesson, where they teach until, so as to keep in pace. Cos since there is no one LT/Audi tt can put everyone of the same course together, the same lesson is split into different venues (example got 1000 math student, they put 200 in LT and another 800 in audi to teach the same math topic). Then totmato was like “Ah? Need liddat one meh? My school got this video relay, meaning they video the lesson from one LT, and stream the video to the others, so the rest just sit in LT watch the screen, need only one teacher teach all the LTs.”

Suddenly I (re) realized how backward AJC is.

“I dun understand what’s so good about AJC, so torn and tattered and small and muggish” she said.

“Mugging in AJC is considered a good trait lor!....Then u noe our canteen is as big as our primary school one (we both from Maha Bodhi), plus summore MBS is stalls on one side, AJ is stalls on both side, meaning EVEN smaller sitting capacity…not to mention all those bird shit…”

“Oh…I that time go the VS forum see got one thread asking whats your target L1R5 and what school u wanna go. Then got one guy put L1R5 6 and go AJC nia!”

That guy is restarted. Then I ask Tomato why the hell did I chose to stay in AJC after 1st three months? She stared at me.

“How I noe? Oh I remembered le…”

At that point in time, I also recalled why I stayed in AJC. But its not something nice to be mentioned.

Anyway, we spent one hour plus toking and eating. And we looked at the Info board, trying to find a place to play pool. I saw this arcade…and we two took some big big detour and wrong routes to find it.

“Super Cue
Members – $8.50/hr
Non Member - $9.90/hr
Please produce your IC at the counter. No children under age of 16 is allowed”

“How old are you ah?”
“UNCLE, I one year younger that you lah!”
I think army really made me even more stupid.

Tomato never play pool before mah, so I think she gia gia. I need to choke her neck and grab her like grabbing some criminal and drag her all the way to the counter. Luckily she was still alive when we reached the counter.

We got our balls and tray and proceeded over to table 31. nice cozy table at the corner, not bad ah. So I need teach from from scratch. I showed her how to arrange the balls into the triangle first, then strike a few balls to demo. When its her turn to try, she got problem holding the cue cos her hand DAMN SHORT. How she play piano and guitar one? I hold the cue about like 5 to 10cm away from the end, she held it like 20 to 30 cm, where the thick and heavy part of the cue is behind her, thus making the cue tending to tilt upwards from the front. Cos her hand holding the cue is the pivot, and the heavy end of the cue is the load, and the front part of the cue is no enuff to counter the weight of the end part of the cue. So when she strike, the cue is instable and tend to wobble about.

For the left hand, I need to grab her palm and manipulate (like shaping plastercine) into the shape to guide the cue. Cos her palm damn small, its not enuff to form a gap to guide the cue along, so the cue anyhow slide around.

But after like half an hour of teaching, she managed to strike, though she cannot exert force as her hands too short to hold the cue stably. But her aiming for noob is damn accurate lah. I can exert lots of force, making the white ball re bounce all over the table, but never manage to get the colour ball in. While she can softly tap the white ball, and it hits gently at 90 degrees on the colour ball and JUST enuff strength to make it fall into the hole nicely, just before it comes to halt, with a soft tap.

And summore I lost to her in 2 games. First game my black ball re bounce and tyco enter the opposite hole. Second game I accidentally wack in a lot of her balls. SIAN. I fuck noob, lost to a noob.

Farnie, we always walk round the table while we play…walk walk walk until I sweat like fuck liao…then my cue…anyhow sway and wave, then I hit the light how many times liao…BANNGGG!!! Then the light starts to shake about and flicker flicker, like anything going to drop and explode liddat.

After 2 games, Tomato moved a side and picked up a call, saying she need meet her friends for farewell part le, so must start moving out now. We paid the $9.90 (damn exp) and walked out. On the way I bought one lollipop for myself. How old liao zombie?! Still eat lollipop! (Imagine wearing smart four and eat lollipop in public? Can get charged?)

We went to this Asics shop. Then she sat down at the shoe testing area, guess tired le. My feet also CMI (must psyco myself my feel damn pain becos of flatfoot then will really be pain), so we both sat there and rest. Then I asked asked and see see the shoes…pretend discussing which shoe nice with her. After resting for 15 minutes, I whispered into her hears “hahaha shoes very nice, but I no money! Zhao lor!”

Outside the Creative shop, I trying to pull out the stick from my lollipop, then pull pull pull, the whole candy FLEW OUT from my mouth and fired off at the speed of light towards the wall of Creative shop. BOOM! The round exploded. My dear candy broke into halve! KNN CCB! MY SWEEET! FIFTY CENT LEH! Then I picked it up and threw inside the flower pot beside..OOPS!

Walked into Wallet Shop. I tot someone told me Wallet Shop die liao. Haven leh..still a lot of ppl inside. Tomato still using the wallet that she bought with me last time, she saw my wallet given my my class ppl last year on my birthday, then bought a similar design. Myuk brand (how pronounce?) ah? I think so ba.

We stroll to the food court to hydrate and cool off…We wanted to order Watever or Anything. Then tomato told me not to.

“That time I ask my friend if she got see the Whatever and Anything ad, then she say got, so we go out then ask the drink stall aunty got Whatever or Anything. Wah lao then the aunty take out Coke ah, Lemon tea ah, Sprite ah… They really really dunno what it is lor”. So I decided to take on Ice Cream Soda instead.

Back to City Link…she was rattling non stop about S.H.E…how they name their panties…how they arrive at their names (“Selina”, “Hebe” and “Ella” are short forms of greek names), how Selina got 1st in some singing compy and how Ella got TEEHHHH then lasted with smoke in the same competition. Then what they damn proud when ppl Photoshop their face onto nude gals, making S.H.E. porn (I cant seem to find it online leh). Lots of S.H.E. stuff lah…she crazy liao.

Back to Eunos MRT, I walked home as she forged ahead to Marine Parade meet her friends.

That’s all. So much for Smoke Free Day.



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Monday, May 28, 2007
Dejavu
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:57 PM --- Post#7325029721986605801

I was dismissed from Khatib camp, after a day of deceiving myself that my support had greatly affected the Athlete's Meet results.

After twirling one big round the camp, we finally found ourselves at Khatib MRT. And there i decided to take a familiar route home - MRT to Toa Payoh (15min), then bus 59(10min) to my house. I was calling Tomato on the train regarding my big day (pizza day) on wed...and then was chatting with Teng Leong and peepz.

"Toa Payoh................Toa Payoh" The dumbass MRT voice yelled.

There I alighted. This place is so damn familiar. Why? Cos i come home from AJ everyday thru here mah. I walked past the yellowish MRT station, then out and turn left, on the wall there will be this poster of some mando artiste and two speaker mounted on top of the poster playing the music from the album.

Air con flowed in as the escalator reached top floor. There in front are several cart stores, selling rings, jewelries, food and stuff. Walking out, i can see Bread Talk, then further more is a Kodak and following by FairPrice. If i turn my head back, there will be this big LED panel (i dun think its an LCD panel, since i can see the big big bulbs from far away), with lots of dead pixels. Below that panel is Burger King and McDonal's. Right in front is Old Chungkee, where i have the urge to buy a stick of fried sotong head and seafood fried dumplings. But i dint this time cos im rushing home for dinner.

I took the escalator to second floor, where Bangawan Solo popped into my view. To my left will be KouFu, but i never eat from there before throughout my stay in AJ. I doubled over to CD Rama at the back. Rushing in, i scanned my eyes on the racks of audio cds. I looking for Kenji's EP - Lao Zhi Shuo. But cannot find leh, i only realised this time the staff organised the CDs according to artiste. I saw this whole side of the rack filled with all the S.H.E. albums, even got the Qi Huan Lu Chen damn old one.

I came back to first floor and exited the main compound to the open space. There will be CD shop, clothes shop, food shop, chinese herbs shop, all kinda shops on the left, and to the right is the Ya Kun Kaya Toast, with this big big flashing sign board of red, yellow, green, white colours, sitting in front of the HDB building.

This walkway is often very busy, always got ppl come here film make show or do some dancing or audition. I remember this walkway is often strolled by me with my earphones on, but this time my earphones are no where to be found on me. Strange leh.

Before crossing the mini road (leading to car park), there will be this AXS machine that my PW group meddled with for our fucked up project, which later on got an undeserving score, either that or the one mentoring our project is screwed up. After the road is this specs and shades stall, which also sells handphone covers. Then Watson and KFC will come to view. I remember last time i always patronize this KFc outlet whenever i got craving from fried chicken (which is like every week). Came with Bunny, and Robber b4. That time nearing end of J1, Robber met his CJC friends there, asking how his A's, which he dint take cos he still J1 (cos he retain one year).

Right in front is this coffee shop where i once came with wei kiat after our A's to eat. Still cannot forget this old man insisting that Fried Dry Hor Fan == Char Kway Teow, and keep questioning me why i waste money, cos Fried Dry Hor Fan cost like $4 and Kway Teow only $2.50.


Taking a kekanan pusing (right turn), will be this damn congested rows of shops. Mainly selling bags. In the middle used to have two shops - Bubble Tea and CD shop. I drank one cup of bubble tea everyday, esp like the mint n choc with extra pearl (1.30+0.30 xtra pearl). That flavor got name one, i think call Qin You Du Zhong (Only Love). Then got one time i not enuff sleep (as usual) that i dropped the whole tea onto the ground immediately after i bought it, fucking paiseh, faster run away.

The bubble tea shop got lots of mando pop poster inside, which were from the neighbour shop, the CD shop. There inside got sell posters. Lots of cheap posters at like $4 to $10. I bought one damn nice vinyl SHE SuperStar poster for Tomato for her birthday last time. Now these two shops closed down liao...now selling durian...

When the rows of shop ends. I will either turn left or go straight. If i turn left, i will hit Comics Connection, where i will spend a lot of time looking at the figurines, cards, keychains inside. Then go next door, Yu Ren Shen to buy their herbal egg. I ONLY eat Yu Ren Shen's herbal egg...cos most xiang one...

If i continue straight, then i hit Courts, where i go in enjoy aircon and play play with their Nintendo DS display set (b4 i got mine). But tonite i never went in, cos in front is Pasar Malam. I inched my way through the crowd and bought some stuff to munch on, cos its like 7:45pm liao, damn hungry. I looking for Ramily Burger, but no have leh. After walking round for like 20 minutes, i went ahead to the bus stop in front.

Sitting at the Bus Stop, i stared at the Toa Payoh Sports Complex in front, across the road. Last time AJC the basketball and Volley ball game played there, where later on Dong Fang Billy failed to give us our half day. Sec 4 that time, Taekwando Grading also held there...always kena tekan by that brutal instructor.

Bus 59 came, and i bought the bus...and slept on my way home. Reached home at 8+pm, where i quickly go for my bathe. I looked at myself in the mirror...strange...for the moment i tot i was wearing blue and grey shirt and pants...But why the hell am i in green? I snaped back to reality...and realised i just entered a dejavu time warp.



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"Heat Alert ! "
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 1:52 AM --- Post#5269638970199390783

The weather today was blazing hot. So hot that i have headache again. I cant do anything constructive, so decided to sleep throughout the whole afternoon today.

I have nothing much for the day but headache, dizziness, backache. My backache is back! OMFG...

Ya was listening to lots of new album recently:
- Play by SHE
- Kong Fu Zhi by Kenji
- Guai Guai by Cherry Boom
- Minutes to Midnight by Linkin Park
- Magic Cyndi by Cyndi
- Dance Dance Dance by Hai Ming Wei

Things that i wanna get:
1. Portable headphone amp
2. Crossroads Mylar 3
3. PCI USB ports
4. Logitech/Razer Wireless Optical Mouse
5. Barracuda mouse pad
6. 2.1/4.1 speakers (considering FX 6021 or GigaWorks T20) or Stereo Micro Monitors just for my D2 in my room
7. 2GB microSD card for my Nintendo DS, R4DS
8. 8BG SDHC card for D2
9. New waist pouch/waist bag or holding all my gadgets
10. refill my blank CDs and DVDs supply

11. freedom



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Sunday, May 27, 2007
A dedication
[havoc] ranted at 4:12 PM --- Post#1120851063819966415

This is a non-Cygig related post. Read at yr own risk.

The wk was quite an unpleasant one. I was unknowingly appointed as pltn IC. Oh fuck it. There was little I can do but to quietly accept this fate.

The days of pltn IC was not a smooth gg one. I had to account for the str of my pltn. Who's here and who's not.. Who's on status or went to the MO? Who's participating in the training? I had to noe wad time to fall in, so tt I wont b fucked upside dwn by my commanders. Army life demands discipline. So if u r late for training, be prepared to get fucked.

Of cos, wif such a co-operative pltn, how cd my life as pltn IC b gd? Wif guys like ONG HUI DONG, who questions the actions of the IC everytime, how cd I maintain the discipline of the whole pltn? Luckily, wif the help frm my section, I was able to put up wif the nonsense ONG had put forward. Sometimes, I feel like fucking him. Fucking in the sense of knocking him down.. KNOCKING HIM DOWN HARD UNTIL HIS ARMS FEEL MY WRATH!!!

Simple things like daily water parades b4 breakfast, wif ONG ard, one can imagine how hard it was to gulp down tt half bottle of water. HE wd question the motive of gulping down tt half bottle b4 breakfast.. And the reason I gave was simple and straight in his face: CAN U BLOODY HELL DRINK UP TT HALF BOTTLE? EVERYBODY IS DOING THEIR PART OF HYDRATING THEMSELVES FOR THE STRENUOUS ACTIVITIES LATER (AFTER BREAKFAST). IF U JOLLY WELL DUN DRINK, I WONT FORCE U! JUZ DUN MAKE MY LIFE DIFFICULT LATER IF U HAPPEN TO FAINT DUE TO HEAT CRAMPS..

Wif tt, he wd shut his mouth to avoid any others forms of verbal onslaught.

OF COS, the nonsense wdnt end there. During daily marches to the ckhse, he wd laugh at every stupid things the IC had done, for example IC giving wrong commands etc. Of cos, I was not the IC back den. So, he didnt haf a chance to laugh at me. Seeing him laugh at other ICs made me wanna punch him.. STRAIGHT IN HIS FACE. But I didnt. I respected the IC's decision of not pursuing the matter.

HE got his retribution at last. Once I berhanti when I saw it was flag raising. Once the flag raising finished, I was abt to issue command: DARI KIRI CEPAT JIA LAN.. which means to march off. DEN out pop ONG wif his version of MAHJU! LMFAO! EVERYONE noes mahju is given after hentak taki is given and not berhanti.. Of cos, when he suggested tt, he got shot in his ass. AND tt ended his tyranny.

I gonna fuck him tonite if he nv ceased to make my life difficult!!!



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Friday, May 25, 2007
Artwork: Shattered
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:45 PM --- Post#3630969762191917789


[Full Size]

he.tot.he.liked.her.
he.tot.he.could.be.with.her.
he.tot.he could.feel.her.heart.and.soul.
he.feels.the.bliss.
he.could.see.the.vibrant.colours.
he.was.happy.
BUT.its...just.impossible.
it.sHaTtErEd.on.him.behind.his.dreams.

Background Info
My first piece of work since i entered army. It started off with the idea of broken transparent pieces, which i used to make the SoftGloss MoonShell skin. Then through lots of trial and errors, i got hold of a nicer patterns of the pieces, the amount of shadow, stroking, glowing, gradients and opacity all matters a lot. The background was a sudden inspiration by the though of desaturating and darkening all the rainbow rainbow colours, and split the columns apart.

Hope you like this piece..and my life is really shattered...



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Monday, May 21, 2007
Tranquility
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 12:36 AM --- Post#5968457032661819429

Its a clear nice saturday yesterday. I was on my way home from guard duty, taking the usual bus 33 home. But something else is different - the atmosphere. I love this word, "tranquility", from which only i can settle down and free my thoughts.

What is tranquility? It is a combination of peaceful, homely, familiar and relatively quiet surrounding plus the correct weather (either not-so-hot sun or rainy weather). The bus was quiet empty, in which i found space for myself. Not having much people in your immediate surrounding is easier to process than crowded places. Processing threads like looking and analysing the behaviour of people around you, thinking of the correct way to behave in public, thinking of how not to attract attention, thinking if i should sit or should stand are not high. Events like edging my way through the crowd, securing my arm to the bus pole, saying "sorry" and "excuse me", adjusting my bag so not to hit people are much lesser. It leads back to tranquility, where everything is in place (peaceful) and no noise pollution (quiet) and then my mind will be able to relax.

Looking outside the bus, i saw quite some ppl rushing here and there. Those are indirect surrounds, where i cant hear them and no need to share spaces with them. The view of stacks of HDB flats, cars with gals-in-school-u driven by the concerned parents, the way too organised plantation of trees and couples hugging and kissing in public are perfect view of familiarity and peacefulness. All these completes the tranquility.

Normally when i go home, the bus will be packed with people, and no place to sit and rest my tired legs. Outside will either be the blazing sun (which i fucking dun like) and everywhere is sibei noisy. But since im early now, everything seems much better.

I suddenly realised that maybe i should wake up early during weekends. The morning (7 to 10am) of the day seems to be the best among the afternoon and night. But most of the time, im either mugging, working or sleeping, and lost the opportunity to experience such nice scene. Wooo...i love it da!

But something seems wrong also - i haven been interacting with everyone. Even the atmosphere is gorgeous, i haven been really toking to anybody since the day before. I see people outside the bus, but i cant join them in their business. I have no friends next to me.

Messages thru sms suddenly seem so "fake", while before that i tot digital text carries feelings. Even im reading lots of comforting sms by chio bu on the bus, i cannot feel anything. I guess all these sms are just..templates. Templates of response to someone feeling sad for the whole week. Maybe, "dun be sad", "dun think too much", "good luck", "i hope u get what u want". Sianz. Do ppl really care about me? Or do they reply me just to stop my whining? Irritating. I now dun tok in class, so began to guai lan thru sms and msn? I dunno.

But all i now...im actually alone and no body cares, in this tranquil nice atmosphere. Sad or Happy? No feelings, i guess.



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Sunday, May 20, 2007
Random entry 2
[havoc] ranted at 1:22 PM --- Post#2723122029326171380

Well, I haf done it again. I haf survived yet another gruesome wk in Tekong.



The past wk was kinda slack. Wif IMT sessions conducted consecutively on 2 days, I can feel muscle aches running down my elbows whenever I prone and shoot..



Of cos, these muscle tortures and pains cannot b compared to the vigourous activities I had in the later part of the wk. AGR was conducted every single day. YeS. I mean everyday. Oh well. For those out there who think AGR is no kick, how abt spicing up the training menu wif all sort of jumps u can name. 20 counts of 4 for each of those jumps.



Feeling muscle aches in yr thighs? Well, the day doesnt end there. The day is normally brought to a close wif str training. Dumbell drills and medicine balls and climbing drills. HOHOHO! There u go, a full body workout. Almost I wd say...



Wif PTI JACKSON ard during str training, not only yr hands and legs will tire out, but also yr abs. 50 counts of crunches, and many more abs-related workouts await for all of us. Terror! This is really a full body workout. However, according to PTI Jackson, the worst is yet to come. Oh well, his golden words strikes fear in everyone's mind as usual. We r sitting ducks waiting to get shot in the ass.



OMFG, SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS CREEP!

The torture was postponed to nx wk.. Oh well, better den nth. The typical mentality of a guy who dreads training..

In a couple of hrs, I will b back to tt dreadful place. T-T. The gd thing is this will only carry on for 3 more wks. Yes 3 more wks. AND soon it will b over. Live range tmr. I muz aim for the marksmanship and earn tt fucking day off frm my training. I will slog my guts out for it.





Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Discomfort
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 9:36 PM --- Post#4970110276607274766

"I wanna sleep early tonite!" Thats what i tell everyone everyday. Still i end up sleeping darn late. The next day in camp will be like...zombie lor, seh seh blur blur stupid stupid. Due to not enuff sleep and stuffing myself with too much food, my same old gastric problem comes again.

Simple as a stomach discomfort, but its no fun. No, i wun die on my way home or what, but its just that my stomach feel fuck bloated and uneasy and cannot feel hunger (even if my stomach is growling, i wun have the urge to eat, and when i start eating, i feel full and the urge to eat still there). I remember dad told me, gastric problems can easily make u feel damn sick. Plus i not enough sleep, my joints will start to ache. Its like a bit sore sore, then as if not enough blood is flow through it. Try using your right hand to wrap around your left wrist damn tight, that is the feeling. Your joints feel uneasy..and sort of "restless". So i will begin to twist and turn my legs, crack my knuckles, play with my flexible fingers and so on, even inflicting pain to myself.

So this morning, while my instructor teaching us stripping and assembling of the breech, i was like..dozing off while holding onto my queasy tummy. When its tea break, everyone waited for me to go but i told them im not eating, cos i tot its better not to eat too much for time being, i also cant feel hunger, i rather go class sleep.

Everyone was damn shocked, cos im the Makan Monster, eat everything up. Someone told Sergeant Kwa "eh..strange, he two days never eat tea break liao."

I end up sleeping at the bench outside the workshop. Later on in the afternoon, Sergeant Kwa asked,
"Mohawk, 你好点没有？有吃东西吗？"
“有有，没有吃这样多，胃有点不舒服。”
“胃不舒服，还是为了 zhar bo? ”

Huh? I never eat cos of gal? How possible can that be. U think i trying to slim down to please some zhar bo or i trying to save money to buy her a dildo? Anyway i thank sergeant for his kindness and concern lah.

Anyway...it had been an emo day. I never tok much that day. Neither did i mass sms anyone. I used to believe when im sad, its good to tok it out with other ppl, but last time i used to have a friend who wished to be left alone when feeling down. I never understood why. So now i try. Being left alone is actually quite good also. Not toking to anyone, not smsing, just sit one isolated corner and think think think think think think. Or pacing around, getting lost in my own virtual world also not bad.

Damn scared...damn scared things will become like AJC again. So ya, i had been damn quiet liao. Damn low profile. Trying to bury my past and burn it.

My main worries is having to stay in, either by order of the unit, or no choice cos transport too troublesome. I had been thru shit in Tekong, now i enjoying all the welfare. Last time in tekong, there was no comparision, but now after enjoying in OETI, i start to realised how shitty life was before that. And fucking hell, i dun want to go thru it anymore. Last time not scared cos i dunno how it feels, now with comparison, i fear. Freedom is what i want. No need grow wings to fly across sky, just having to use my own comp, chat on msn, do my own projects and sleep my own bed and see pok pok and parents everyday enuff liao.

I had been bastard enuff to show off to my recruit and combat vocation friends how slack and how relax my life is. I somehow feel that i will have retribution - to stay in in my next unit. Also Staff Martin's words keep ringing in my mind, "the more u wanna stay in, the more u will tio. So u must tell yourself that you want to stay in, then you will stay out". But i cant stop thinking about this issue.

This thingy had been bordering me for weeks le. I guess its as usual my over anxious-ness: Worrying too much in everything. This syndrome i got it since young. Simple things like going to meet teacher, help ppl buy things, faculty test, orientation, medical check up i all also worry worry worry. I damn scared of unexpected and unfamiliar situations lah.

Also feeling very empty...like no motivation liddat. I dun have sometime to keep me interested. I dun really have hobby. Esp entering army...i lost interest in everything liao. U see me rarely do posters or programming liao. Also i began to get tired of being in the IT line. No one appreciates after i put in 999% of hardwork and effort. Whats the point?

Things i wanna do
- Learn action script 3.0
- Make some fucking nice posters
- Complete the AJC ajibas catalogue
- Complete Shaun's invitation card
- Complete zB bPanel
- Master usage of my D80 SLR
- sleep more
- watch movie

See everything is damn time consuming, but everyday after camp im damn tired liao. Need rest. Then next time if i stay in...all the above will be dashed.

I dun have anyone to rely on, except myself, damn lonely, damn cold, damn sickening. I only have me myself, who is dead liao. Im dead thrice: Once when i enter AJC, Once when i took A levels and Once when i enter tekong. I die one more time?



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Sunday, May 13, 2007
What I Really Want
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:31 PM --- Post#3949535876090474449

Chapter 1: Friday Nites Out
Friday marks the beginning of a long weekend. A long rest. Im lucky to get a stay out unit for now. Meaning i can enjoy my friday precious nite. I treat friday like a "appetizer", a time to have fun and "feel the weekend", and when i wake up the next morning, "wow i had fun last nite, ehh...today then the weekend begins..I still have 2 days!". Sort of bluff myself lah.

Drinking, clubbing, smoking, jio chio bu....nah...im not tt kind. Went out with my family instead, to the new Giant at tampines there i think...or isit pasir ris? Wonderful evening...i like the feel of liveliness of the city at nite. Seeing all sorts of ppl buzzing around in the complex...and its a cooling even makes me feel tranquil. So I was enjoying the surrounding as I help my mom do some groceries.

Music always add on to the atmosphere. My usual entertainment kit – Ck7 plus D2. Stuffed my IEM up my ears and blocked out all outside noise immediately. I was brought into my own world…a virtual world determined by the music im listening to. I can see what ppl around me are doing, but I cannot hear them. I can only hear my own mando tunes flowing into my ear drums. I feel sort of isolated from the reality, so much so that my mind begin to wander off…as I blindly followed my dad around.

Off my mind wandering…wandering about every thing I see in Giant. I see the urban ops combat pants (its like army number 4 pants, but its grey instead of green), and began imagining about the terrorist in CS and how they can blend into the surrounding with the help of their camouflaged clothings. Thinking why I always fely AK4 is easier to use than carbine. Then I saw the sushi in the fridge…started thinking what will happen if I eat sushi for every meal…will I die? Started to count the number of susgi in a packet…and see which sushi cost more than another…

Wandering wandering wandering…off my mind wander…in this simple air con comforty Giant hypermarket...and once in a while I will take off my earphone and chat w my parents…

Nice rite? A peaceful nite.



Chapter 2: A Talk With Her
Back at home…I wandered into the digital world…floating among the bits and bytes… I saw Angie online…and asked how she was.

She told me she was damn stressed up by the exams. Poor gal, being in AJc is fucking stressed up liao…not to say Angie is in RJC now. Confirm stress level high. Its her A levels year, and I noe exactly how the school teacher will torture their students with all the tutorials, preaching and imprisoning of the students.

Of cos I noe cos I been through it. The stress, if not managed properly, is fucked up. I dunno what to do to her..except to tell her to relax.

She once helped me before last year, when I was in depression…now my turn to repay back. I told her to find a friend..and talk to her about how you feel, and so that she wun feel she is alone and helpless. Cos I always tot when u feel down…the best you can have its someone by your side..and u noe he is supporting u and understanding you.

She told me she weeped when she read that I typed. I tot I said something wrong, but she replied saying she was touched…cos im already helping her by trying to understand her situation and feelings.

So it told her what I feel: Being a techno geek, I still believe the power of text messaging. Those lines transferred from one IP to another through the cables are more than 1s and 0s and then displayed on screen. I always believe, even in digital form, text carries feelings. And its able to make others feel good.

Likewise, text can damage also. It seem that my blog had given some damaged to the reputation of AJ already.

Then I told her to relax. I told her that its not worth it to get som unhappy about studies. Cos, yes, studies is important, but as wei kiat says, its only a fucking stepping stone. After 2 years in AJC and about 6 months in NS, I realized that, really, results and studies are really peanuts to me. After all the shit in my life, its your friends, families, freedom, free from stress & trouble and doing things you like that really really matters.

Studies? No way. I noe I cant study cos I stupid, and im not going to torture myself to do things I dun like. Neither am I going to try to pass my IPPT. After all these…its like studies is really something a side..there are much more things in life worth going through.

But it told angie, not say not to study. But dun let studies pull her down until she so damn unhappy and stress…



Chapter 3: Familiar Hang Out Spot
Saturday..woke up and found my mom shouting at me…asking me to get changed and get going. I see my watch: WTF…12pm liao.

Went to Beach Road to have my number 4 name tag sewn, and lunch was my favourite Ba Chor Mee. Anyway I set off the Bugis after that.

Bugis is a place I visit almost everyweek. Why neh?
- Becos Sim Lim Square is there, need to get my gadgets
- Becos there has the most collection of cheap parallel imported Mando pop audio cd at Bugis street
- Becos I like to eat the goring pisang at Bugis Teenage Café
- I can get cheap bags for my laptop and gadgets over at bugis street
- Lots of chio bu on the second level of bugis street
- Like to idea of the air conned glasshouse at Parco
- VR officer there
- NAFA there
- Bugis is in sub-urban area, so lots of ppl but things not too exp
- Guang Yin temple there, though I free thinker, but parents always bring me there
- Lots of buskers and performers at albert street
- Bencoleen, a building all selling all kind of watches

Dunno why when I go bugis…my heart feels lighter…not so much stress. Anyway I mey kiat and sihui there. Ah kiat looking for D2, which I not very comfortable with cos I dun like ppl having the same gadget as me.

But luckily, the 2GB out of stock and 4GB too exp. So heng…Tsun Lam arrived also, bought the CK7, same earphone as me. Nvm what they buy…its not important.

This scene is utterly familiar, me, ah lam, wei kiat, sihui. Familiar…cos its like I see them everytime in AJC…like everyday. And now it seems that lots of things had passed, the AJ dark times is over liao. Guys goes to army and never see each other.

Just when I tot everything is starting new…the old characters popped out again. Summore in my lovable Bugis, which watched me grow up on (not really..just kidding). The feeling is both huai nian and guai guai and weird lah.



Chapter 4: Mother day
The say started with me waking up at noon..as usual. Mother day! I gave my mother day prezzie long ago le, ordered online from http://chinesejade.com , it’s a Celestial gold fish jade pendent that cost US$12. Thanks to PinGer who helped me bought it online.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Went for a simple KFC meal to celebrate. Then popped over to grandma’s nursing home. Despite having lots of problems w grandma, she seems rather happy now to stay in her nursing home. No more worries for her, and we no longer have to take care of all her problems.

Problems like finance, biasness, health, politics, young time grievances…all kinds that make the situation sooo complicated when I dunno who is wrong and who is right. So mom and uncle decided to send her to nursing home, where professionals can take care of her needs, cos she got damn serious diabetes (she will eat damn lot if we let her home) and cant walk.

Anyway, we visit her weekly, and I still remember the days before I enter army. I was already visiting the nursing home, and now I pass out liao…im still back at the same place…hmmm weird feeling again.



Chapter 5: So..What I really want?
Ya…what I really want? What I want is what I have now, having enough freedom and meeting up w friends and helping some ppl out. And I wish all these will be everlasting and on the other hand…I dare not ask for anything more.

The moment I step out of AJC…my mind is freed from stresses. The moment I step out of tekong, my body is freed from all the torturing.

What more can I ask for? Im satisfied.

Peace Out :)



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Random entry
[havoc] ranted at 12:25 PM --- Post#3789728141793227053

This is yet another random entry abt my life in army.

During the course of 10 - 12 May, I had the long awaited SIT test. While many ppl were bz training, the entire hawk coy was bz doing the 12 km route march under the scorching sun wif FBO attire. 12 km. If the event took place under a cool weather, perhaps I wdnt b here complaining. WELL, tt event rigged away most of my energy and replaced them wif tonnes of muscle aches throughout my whole body.

After tt horrifying event, the 1st day was brought to a close wif some ropes tying and lashing. Oh well, wad a great time to doze off to recover my energy.. How thoughtful of them! And I did exactly tt.

On wif the 2nd day of SIT test, my suffering was nv brought to a close. Though the activities held at each individual stations were fun and mentally challenging, the movement betw each stations was physically demanding. WIF leopard crawls and arti drills and fake casualties during the movements, one can basically shag out and collapse on the grd. Juz hope tt the casualty isnt someone wif a big body outline, or else u will most likely become a real casualty after carrying him ard.

The day juz didnt end there. The day, or shd I say evening, was brought to the climax by someone's foolish behaviour of not digging a proper shit hole and covering it up. In addition, the shit was found in the middle of the footpath. This foolish action was brought it up by pltn 3 pc. He roared at us and demanded the culprit to own up. In normal cases, this kind of scenario wont end up to b pleasant. And I hit the jackpot. Sadly spking, tt guy who did tt had no fucking guts to admit his mistake. As a result, everybody was pumped, crunches, butterfly kicks.. Still, after these tortures, tt guy still dun give a bloody fuck abt the matter. We were ordered fiercely to leopard crawl to the shit site. We did so, and stared blankly into tt shit tt was covered by tonnes of hseflies. Tt pc gave e culprit a final chance to own up. As he slowly counted dwn to the last sec, someone frm pltn 1 owned up. Apparently, he didnt do it and trying to b a hero, trying to save all our asses. FUCK HIM.

So wad's nx? We were ordered to fetch ( yes fetch ) our entrenching tools and dig a shithole.. Everyone did one shithole tt was an ankle deep, and was asked later to cover it up. I juz hope tt the culprit learnt his lesson, coz if I c him nx time, I wont let him off. And this is serious.

3rd day of sit test. 2km fast march shagged most of us out. I was carrying a stretcher in addition to my sbo attire. Imagine how shagged out I was after tt fast, v fast march. I simply cant catch my breath. Only heaven noes. Day 3 was similar to Day 2, if u cut away the part abt digging the shithole. Phew, and juz when u tot u can go back coyline after the whole test by tonner, the commanders apparently prepared a warmup session for a route march back to coyline. WTF? YES! WTF.. This response was ringing in everybody's head when we heard this awful news.

While everybody was crying during the preparation of the route march lineup, I examined the situation. And apparently I found some loopholes which gave the game away. 1stly, the coy flags were transported back to camp. Without those, we cant march. 2ndly, some of the commanders were not properly dressed. Some were dressed in vest slack attire. 3rdly, we were ordered to carry the field packs of the att C personals during the march, which I found it quite ridiculous..

Of cos, tonners soon arrived and ppl rejoiced at the sight of them.

In reply to Cygig's recent entry, I can really c a distinctive trait betw AJC and Tekong and OETI. Only when U r in tekong, will one realise tt time is the determining factor betw life and death. Once u r late, it wd mean half left dwn for all of us. There is no such thing as early in army. Either u r on time or u r late. Short and sweet. In AJC, due to the half fucked timetable planned by the mindless ppl of the timetabling comm, u will not haf enugh time for everything. At least while in tekong, ppl will b released when nth is on. So u can say time is flexible. But not in AJC.

On this day, I wish all the mothers a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY



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Thursday, May 10, 2007
Cherish I Will
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 1:30 AM --- Post#5229898477326140850

Every now and then, i hear ppl complaining about OETI,

1. "Sergeant/Staff/Warrant XXXXX damn du lan...always tekan us...loser.."
2. "Why other wing got LMS day we dun have?"
3. "Why 5 minutes late liao still haven fall us out?!?!?"
4. "Sian...need change to cover all..can dun change not?"
5. "Huh? Water parade?"
6. "Eeee...so much jiao sai (birdshit)"
7. "wah just now kena down ten"
8. "20 minutes where got time eat?"
9. "Camp so far from my house..take so long go back"
10. "Sick of canteen food liao.."

But...as everyone noes, i like complaining and whining a lot. But seriously...i dun find anything to complain about now? Life is good!

1. Seriously i find that OETI authorities very very nice ppl lor. As compared to Tekong, give us that fuck face then screw us...make everyone scared scared. Look at AJC teachers, bunch of uncaring freaks, use politics and sarcasm to fuck us up and tekan us. Here is like almost no tekan lor..

2. Back in AJ...we were "given day off". But our day off always eaten back by our dong fang billy. Can stay out good enuff liao...

3. I think OETI dismiss us quite on time lor. Comparing to AJC, they last minute can call u stay back do some stupid admin work or remedial lesson. Going to school gate liao teacher can ask u come back all the way. Knn... In tekong...we always miss our fast craft one...

4. In tekong...i change dunno how many times a day...now only change one time to cover all then end of day change back. Coverall not say uncomfortable mah, i quite like the feel of the cloth.

5. Water parade is good! Not like AJC...never give us time water parade, keep rushing us...run run damn thristy cannot drink water...cos need to take body weight...drink water liao not accurate...then teacher take own time. In tekong..every small thing also water parade, they come check one by one and make sure we all drink...i remb got once i drink until vomit. OETI one day water parade once is ok mah.

6. No jiao sai can be compared to AJC canteen. We like eating our food while swimming in pools of warm bird shit, where the aroma slowly induce into our food.

7. Ten is little compared to tekong...anyhow also give like 20 or 30. One day tio pump lots lots of time.

8. 20 minutes is what we have in tekong. Thanks to the "good" organization and planning. 20 minutes is what we get in AJ sometimes also...in total is 45minutes, but 25 minutes gone to queuing and waiting for seats thanks to the mini cutey AJ canteen. In OETI our lunch and tea break easily exceed my break time in AJC.

9. Going to AJ is much further than going to camp.

10. AJC got 10+ stores...but only about 2 or 3 edible. Im toking about "edible", not "damn nice food". Comparatively. OETI canteen food is much much nicer.


Please...stop complaining liao. Compared to Tekong and AJC...life in OETI is quite heavenly. No have all the bullshit stress and mugging and fucking authorities and depression and lots of ppl i hate and who hate me in AJC. No have all the inhumane and "fuck u understand? Three words: Dun argue!" in tekong.

Now i only damn scared i have to stay in in future. Honestly...i want my family time everynite. Its actually damn nice to see pokpok, my comp, parents, sista every nite...feels like..wahhh my own comfort zone! After experiencing shit in tekong...i fucking dunwan stay in...

Yes...i am cherishing every moment now of my life. And i hope that after so much shit i had gone thru in AJ and Tekong..life will be kinder to me....I haven got lucky for like...damn freaking few years..

Posted to OETI is lucky of me. Cherish i will. Peace :)



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Sunday, May 06, 2007
Recall
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 5:01 PM --- Post#457068630886605752

With reference to what Havoc had said in the post below.

Yes, tekong teach u a lot of things. How time and family is precious. But one thing i felt...its a bit too much. As in the change is too sudden. It seems that tekong days had somehow traumatized me to quite a bit extend.

Im a person who will auto delete painful memories. To noe how painful an event is, i simply got to recall it. If i cannot recall anything, means i chose to delete that part of my memory.

you may say, i got short term memory mah. But i can remember certain events very very well. I can remb all my bookouts during BMT, but cant remember a shit of events i did during BMT. Even if i can recall the event..the feeling and emotion part is gone, to protect myself from depression.

Anything part od my life i cannot remember is of course, AJC times. I noe im damn depressed everyday, but cannot recall why. I cannot recall who made my life miserable. But i can recall, damn clearly like a GunZ replay, good friends i made over there and fun times i had. I can recall my computing lessons..cos thats the most interesting part of my JC life. I can recall how i got into newspaper, cos i love revenge on the school.

Back to the topic on tekong teaching us lessons. I noe one day i wun survive all these...thus i chose the path to service vocation. Im lucky...finally after being suay for life.



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Sorrow
[havoc] ranted at 3:25 PM --- Post#4886732898939671599

So much sorrow.

Yes. Life in tekong is filled wif it. Sorrow everywhere. Every bk outs taught me a lesson. A lesson tt cannot b taught elsewhere. Certainly not in schs juz by listening attentively to yr teachers. Only when u r out of tekong, will u realise it: time is precious. Precious in the sense tt every bloody sec counts. AND u wont want to waste tt fucking sec.

B4 anyone burst into tears and ponder wad is this mad guy trying to say here, I wd only say this. Its only when u been thru bmtc, will u realise tt time is everything on this world. Certainly not money. The world does not revolve itself ard money, but time for tt matter.

Y m I feeling sorrow? Partly bcos of the lack of time I had wif my family. I only get to see them for less den 48 hrs and I muz hurry to get back to camp. T-T... I miss my comfort zone, a place where I spent my last 18 yrs in. I miss the care and concern my parents showered me wif whenever I m back home. And most imptly, I miss my personal stuff, like camera hp and com.

Fuck. This past week was a physical torture to us all. Though its only 4 days in camp, it feels like eternity. SOC for 3 consecutive days was fuck.. PLUS the ist and agr tt soon follow b4 and after SOC, one wd wonder when is this gg to end.. I still suffered frm the side effects of ist and agr. And guess wad. I m only given less den 48 hrs to recover. How sweet..

Will b back in camp in 4 hrs time. Time is short. How to make full use of this time is a crucial matter.. haiz. Sadly, I dun haf an ans for tt.

Nx wk, I will begin my SIT test. Heard tt its quite physically demanding. It can also spell doom to ppl.. Hope it will come and go quickly and easily. Its retarded for me to think tt way.

Nx wk is also a significant wk for all the mothers. Yet this unfilial son over here is not doing anything for her on tt special day. Simply bcos I will only b back on Sat nite and there is not enuff time to plan anything for her. Haiz, my thoughts washed wif sorrow once again..



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Traumatised
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 2:00 AM --- Post#7182829288069560541

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Losses
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:50 PM --- Post#3112163981521100669

Hearing Loss
When i woke up this morning...i got this weird feeling in my right ear...as in a uber big ear wax was stuck inside. I can feel it nia...some stuff stuck in my ear...what could it be? I press press dig dig...no ear wax...no ear shit..I cover my nose and blow to release pressure...no use.

But as time goes by the feeling gets no so obvious...and at times the blockage will clear. But when i press into my ear..the blockage will cover my entire ear hole..and i cannot hear a shit totally thru my right year. Ppl tok to me i cant listen nia.

At times got ringing summore.

whats wrong with me? I think i going deaf le. I wait few more days i go see doctor


Leg Loss
Today i was climbing out of the M113 tank. As i pressed my palm on the side of the driver hatch to push myself up to the top of the tank, i lifted my legs out from the tank and found a support spot behind me so i can stand up.

Who noes for some reason i was actually stepping on air...and i dint realise, my whole right leg crashed down as my left leg was halfway out. My right shin rubbed and knocked against the edge of the 20+ tons metal machine.

I grabbed some handles on the tank so i wun slip down...and slowly pulled myself up to the top of the tank. At first i tot alright...bt i felt some pain in my right shin.

I tot "aiya...blue black" and pulled up my trousers. KNN CCB! One fucking big bump there...i think its a diameter 6cm semi-sphere. My whole shin looks like damn distorted and deformed...

My classmate see liao all freaked out. Still i managed to walk lah...just that march tt time must bang lightly.. Sergeant ask me go see MO...but i tot waste time lah...i use hand rub rub then now the swelling goes down le.

Yeah...friday got excuse for PT lor!!!!


Friend Loss
Today in canteen, as usual i will gorge myself with food. This time its fried satay. So me and my classmates found this side high bench and sat down. Like AJC, the tables there were gracefully decorated with jiao sai (bird shit). Wow...there was one big white creamy piece of shit dipped in thick bird urine right in front of me. So naturally i sat away from it. While my classmate sat on the other end, cos the center of the table all shit.

Nothing wrong rite? Of course nothing wrong. I was sitting away cos there were shit between me and my classmates. I still talked to my classmates while eating. Well for the very least i can enjoy my meal.

But this particular scene reminds me of smthing common in AJC.

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Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Sad
[havoc] ranted at 3:15 PM --- Post#8225848200480774030

Once again, I will set foot on another treacherous journey back to tt fateful place. The fateful place where all dread gg to. Tekong.

These 5 days of rest was ample, yet I felt tt there was smth tt was yet to b done. But I cant pinpoint exactly wad it is.

I wd once again miss this place where I called my home, my comfort zone. And depart to another world I deemed as hell.

FC, even though it drained much of my life and energy away, I was glad tt I learnt smth valuable from it. It is none other den appreciation. The power to appreciate the things ard me, regardless how insignificant those things may seem. Basic necessities like water and food, nv will I take these things for granted again. It is thru fc tt I gained a new perception and understanding of the importance of such stuff. HAIZ.

1 mth plus to pop.. how long more to end this suffering.. Only heaven noes..



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ZackKim
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 2:48 PM --- Post#8503699424375536614








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Nua
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 2:31 PM --- Post#7795551201331891368

Why i never blog? Simply cos of the weather. Recently weather sibei humid...its not its hot...its humidity that is causing my sweat not to dry up...and will cause me to become nua nua....then dun feel like doing anything...



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