..:: ZOMBiE Destinee ::..

Saturday, December 08, 2007
Pacification
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:17 AM --- Post#2621012141028976144

Depression
What is depression? To me depression is the feeling of extreme sadness, and add in the helplessness as well as change of normal behavior (become quiet or become too chatty).

But what makes someone depress? When someone is down, he/she definitely thinks that he/she is like...in the worst of all situation. But what i realized is that different ppl get depressed differently.

Ok, which of the two is a justifiable situation to sink you into deep depression, even to a point of thinking of suicide:
1. Your grandma's death
2. Serving NS

To someone who love his grandparents, perhaps Option 1 is seemed to be for the obvious choice. Its a death of someone close to you after all! But for me, i rather choose Option 2. Why? Because i never had any pleasant moments w my grandma before...Ever since young i had heard lots of stories about how bad my grandma is as a person, and i had seen her favoritism with my own eyes. At some point in life i hate her. Hate her to core. But now she is already in old folk's home, sitting on her wheelchair and on the verge of losing her memories, my hatred had somehow subsided.

I had been through death before, death of my NPCC and classmate Yap Jun Rong. Everyone teared and wet their face during the cremation, but somehow i just wun cry. going in my mind is something like "Welll RIP, at least u no longer need to endure the pain of living in this world. YOu committed suicide (supposingly, details never released), no u need not fred over your problems. Your parents will hurt in their heart, but the pain will gradually go away. Im sure in comparison your pain is much great. Its like a trade of a smaller degree pain from your family members and friends to ease your much greater pain". I never cry. Never felt sad.

Pokpok's death came to me few months before. One of my longest pet for i think seven years. From secondary to JC to army, i never fail to see her first everytime i come home. When she died...again i never really very sad. At least she managed to escape the torment of my mom who keep abusing her. And seven years for a jungle fowl is somewhere there for her life span. I just hope she loved me as much as i loved her previously.

You may disagree with me, but thats how i personally feel. Becos of this way i look at death, death will not contribute to my extreme depression most of the time.

Whereas serving ns is totally against my own belief. I hate being jailed. I hate politics, i hate the dirty environment, i hate high-rankers controlling everything. I hate having no rights. I hate not being able to voice out, i hate the rigidness, i hate the lack of freedom. To me serving NS is definitely more depressing than someone's death.

Thus...i come to a conclusion that different events make different ppl depress. So next time when your friend tells you smthing is bothering him and making him feeling sad...put yourself in his shoes and understand that his problem may appear small to you, but big to him.

Girls
Smooth skin, small sized, long hair...this is a typical girl. Having only two years in my life with interaction with girls, I find this species of creature extremely interesting.

Why are their skin soo smooth and nice to touch? Why they have a nice chin and lips without any beard, just glossy and pinkish skin? Why some of them can pacify me like a morphine? Why are their menstruation cycle so interesting? Why they behave so different from guys? And since they behave so different why a guy and a girl can get along? What is the thing in them to make guys love girls sooo much? Why are their palm soo small? Why why why? Hahaha i also dunno.

Though the times, IMO girls now have much more advantages than guys. Just to list down a few:
- No need serve NS, which gives them two more years to develop their studies ahead.
- Able to choose many path in life, including paths used to be taken by guys. Girls can choose to stay at home or go out work. Guys that choose to stay at home to look after kids and have the girl to go out earn money is termed as "eating soft rice"
- Girls can choose a variety of clothings, no one will say much if a girl choose to be clad in tee and jeans (common guy outfit), but its a NO NO for guys to be in skirts and tubes.
- Most of the time guys will choose to give way and treat girls, to be a so called "gentleman"
- Girls can now participate in sports just like guys
- Generally species that has got more care and love for each other, minus the ego
- Got protection from law, a small touch can result in molestation
- Beauty is one powerful weapon, although not having beauty is one disadvantage also.

Of course nothing is perfect, there are some disadvantages as well:
- Monthly period is irrtating
- My female friends tell me their boobs are getting into their way, very zhor teng
- Child birth is really painful...but u got a choice of bearing child and method of giving birth
- Perhaps cases of guy abandoning girl after pre-marital sex, but also got cases of the girl abandoning guy. Rape cases are rare in SG.

Well as u compare, i seriously think girls are much better off guys. Asking all my female friends, almost all want to continue living as a girl in their next life. Me not gay, me no gg for operation, dun misunderstand, but given a choice to start afresh next life, i would rather be a girl.

I look at my god sister, happily University studying. All she worry about is how to get her A's. Im not saying its easy, but she seem to manage it well. I look at my cousin, she said she got her problems, but overall i guess she still does better than me. I look at Kyro, a girl without emotions, i dunno how she manage but she got not much of sadness or excitements in life..very peaceful, no worries...which is good! I look at Selina, whole day happy happy..was she ever sad?

Take a look at the guys. WK last time depression in army. My camp ppl whole day sulking cos of various unhappy issues. Eric tan also not happy w NS. Jeremy is now in Hell of Guards...trying to get a down pes but failed. Frank poh not doing as good also, he describe army as wayang place. Perhaps its just NS, but this event alone is affecting all the guy friends i know. Sorry i cant bring up any other example cos i dun have guy friend older than me. Younger got..CC lor..i think he now still quite happy..wait till he enters JC.

Pacification
I feel i need lots of pacification. I used to use the word "comfort", until Carely came up with the term "pacify". Its like when u are really feeling hopeless and down..someone come to you and is willing to talk to you. He/she may not be able to solve your problem..but its like the way your friend toks to you and calm you down, not very effective on text, more effective face to face, u feel suddenly actually ppl do care for u. At least for the moment u feel better after someone listened to you, at least someone is willing to listen to you. Sometimes pacification is not just talking, it can be going out w someone who is willing to spend some time with you, Be it watching a movie or having a dinner, spending time to make u occupied and in front of you is just a nice piece of memory.

It works.

I think phone calls works as effectively also. Being able to tok to someone, a good friend of yours, a buddy...just numb your depression for a while... long heart to heart talks helps also...

But problem is everyone is very very de busy. Who got time to pacify me? No one... A good pacifier got to be there for the one being pacified all the time..willing to tok to him and sayang him all the while. Obviously this situation is quite impossible..

Well..for those reading here..do spend time texting me or calling me on phone. I will reply and i will be glad to receive your message. Even a simple "how u doing" will do. Here i do thanks all my friends who tried making me happy thru the shit times in NS. Thanks.

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