..:: ZOMBiE Destinee ::..

Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Sabo ppl?
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 1:27 AM --- Post#4135580254746628909

No time to blog recently. Audit inspection coming, weekends all burnt, going home at timing like 10.30pm...now blogging from outside, saving my entry to .txt on my n770, then later post it up when i got internet connection.

I suck.. I really do. I keep pushing task n stuff to others. In the process i deflected many shit, but all these shit went to others.. N a lot of them are nice ppl. U can put it in a way me sabo ppl...

Since i know wat im doing..why am i still dong it??? Well.. To be honest, being moral is one thing, saving myself is another. I admit im weak, mentally n physically, i know my threshold of tough times is little, before i break down into depression. Even sometimes out of nothing i get depress for n reason. Sometimes i get depess over little minute things in life. A lot of times the pain overcame me n left me suffering in silence, there is nothing i can do. I wish i break down completely, or just.. Die. But some sequence in my os is preventing me from doing so.

I dunno... Even if my friends are willing to take all those hardship from me, i feel guilty. And becos i feel guilty i can get depress over tt. How nice...

I finish reading The Five Ppl U Will Meet In Heaven. One of the person Eddie (main character of e book) met is his Captain in war. Which taught him abt sacrifices. Ppl sacrfice for me..but what had i one for ppl? Perhaps i had but i dunno? Or perhaps none at all? It links to the first lesson by the Blue Man that all our lifes are linked n interconnected. So much i had troubled them n they had done for me, how does this affect the whole community? Me beginning to draw points n lessons learnt from the book.

And on a side note. On my side i lost, or rather i feel that i lost, 4 friends recently. Up to u to guess who. To me friends are ppl who interact (be it in person or digital means) w me often. Those tt lost contact w me... To me there is no point being friends when i cant even commucte w you, or at least try to.

There is one person im pissed with. I refuse to talk to him. Its ok for me to lose one more friend. Having few lousy friends are no much diff than having none.

I guess i shall stop here. I will post this entry when i pass by a hotspot.

==UPDATE==
I reached home at 12.45am. No bunk to stay in. Overtime till 11.30pm. No choice but to rush home. And im selected to go for 4NTM again. Stupid. Hate it. I see looms of depression clouds floating near me.

Somehow what i had blogged on the above (before the Updated section) became redundant . End up me still doing the 4NTM. Haiz. May the force be with me.

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