..:: ZOMBiE Destinee ::..

Tuesday, August 11, 2009
System Self Check
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:43 PM --- Post#4111628846077473844

School has started for a week, and I though it's time to actually do a self-reflection. For people who knows me well, I'm pretty much the same old ZOMBiE, the guy who
- drops into depression easily
- has lots of gadgets around him
- stays at home and have no life
- do lots of crazy IT stuff
- is uncouth and badly-mannered
- cracks super lame joke (either you love it or hate it)
- had married his computer
- with weird mp3 player and earphones
- is always emo
- money minded
- not very socialable
- blabber technical stuff that no one understands
- cant give two hoots to his outlook and appearance
- loves the heartland, the food and Singlish of Singapore
- never off his comp
- talks too much

The list is so long, but I believe my combination of personality traits would be rather unforgettable, be it positively or negatively. I would wish to use the words "character" and "personality" but din't cos some of my properties defined me cover both or will get mixed up. So, I came up with two terms - "core" and "interface".

Core is a mix of character and personality that defines me, while Interface is a part of my personality esp in the area of human interaction as well as perception of the world, plus probably my five senses and how they sense stuff. I am still essentially the same person as the one you saw when I was Sec 1. It's just that my interfacing with the world have been updating and changing to fit the society.

Some people would say that you should not change yourself for the society, just be you, but I had failed terribly in the past that it had impeded my self-development, it shows that you cannot deviate off mainstream too much without careful consideration and probably some kind of skills. I will be constantly updating my Interface to match with the environment that I’m in, and polish up my cores as well. If I attain a high level for my Interface, that would mean I would be able to control my personality very well dynamically – different personality for different scenarios and able to keep hypocrisy to a minimum level most of the time unless the situation calls for a need to conceal my true self.

I have a lot of catch up to do in my Interfacing, especially when it comes to socializing. Note that interfacing is not just input and output, but the way the input is taken in could very possibly affect the processing and thus a change in my character and perception of the world.

Anyway, I decided to come up with a list of achievement that aided me in my personal development (Core, Interface, Character, Personality all that shit):

- Passed the test of socializing with a very small community through work experiences. I am able to communicate and interact with them without much problem, with the help of my counselor.

- Able to be more empathetic towards people around me. I started to appreciate what my friends do for me, what my parents do for me and even what strangers (food court aunty, cleaning unker, bus driver, politicians etc) do for me. Though a lot of times I could find more fault in them than good, but still, I did realized the good in them.

- Immerse myself with more insights of life through novels, PC games, anime and movies. I like to listen to stories about someone else, somehow I can “store” such an insight, information and probably second hand experiences (be it real or fiction) and hopefully use it as a reference in life.

- Breakthrough of understanding in electronics. My DIY stuffs were probably a tip of the ice berg when compared to professionals, but I would consider it an achievement since it’s a hobby and the skills are self taught. It goes hand in hand with one of my belief listed right below.

- Able to try out different skills (cooking, electronics, audio, graphic etc) across different areas and cross use them in times where needed. It will give me a triumph card as I would have sufficient knowledge on something else that could be brought in and applied, where other opponents in that particular field would normally not have.

- Shave off some of my egoism. I hate egoistic behavior, but I have it in me as well. Most guys have a huge load of egoism and pride, that’s why you often see them fight and duel in many different fields. I managed to keep it under control, but giving ppl a chance to talk, and giving myself some time to think through, and forcefully end an argument by keeping close monitor on the logic part of me. If the opponent is correct, I would sniff that judgment out from the many layers of egoism and self delusion and forcefully acknowledge it with an appropriate action (Say “sorry” or something).

- Being nice to my sister. I think I had made an improvement to be more caring for her, lending her my ear and giving advices, though sometimes I may prank and irritate her when I’m bored.

- Patience. Other than one defining moment with my family members, I did not blow up or get mad this year at all. Frustration and “dulan-ness” incidents were kept low. Patience and coolness (in the sense of not being hot tempered) is one point I’m proud of myself.

Now to conclude, here are some goals which I will be trying to get:

- "Live your lifestyle, but do not impose your philosophy on others". Quote taken from wwenze’s blog. I will try to quit imposing my own beliefs onto others, that does not mean I do not state and inform ppl of my belief, it’s just that I will try to be less aggressive when promoting my own beliefs. Means, no more “ipod sucks”, “Mac is bullshit”, “J*ben rip off”, “AJC fucked up” etc .
- I would further cut my egoism dynamically. For most people, I will try to spend more time listening and putting myself in your shoes, and like in the above point, will try not to demolish your views and impose mine on you (unless you asked for it). But for some handful of people, ownage is the best way to deal with them.

- Completing my final test in socializing. I had set LASALLE to be my final test for socializing (for now at least), it is way harder than any previous test as it involves a large number of ppl and all of them have background very different from mine. They form groups and cliques which is one of my weakness as I’m often a lone ranger. The character of a lot of ppl there are also against mine, and now it puts my Interfacing to test to neutralized (superficially at least) the differences.

- Concreting my Core. I wish to continue my long founded definition of myself throughout my stay in LASALLE.

- “Low Flyer” attitude - taught to me by KTK. I found out that after so much, the most important thing is to stay happy. You dun need a degree or a good career to stay happy, some ppl need, but I find my happiness in doing things that I like (DIY, forum, movies etc), in places that I love (my room, my warm-hearted neighborhood, sitting one corner and look at crowds in shopping mall filled with happy faces, being in peaceful solitude etc) and with ppl whom I adore (friends, family, cats maybe). At this point in life, I would not have tremendous supporting myself, I can easily find a job that support myself alone well enough. Thus no matter how stressful the it would be in school, comfort and relaxing comes first, of course, that does not mean giving up in studies completely, I will still try to make it through with min. effort.

- Further enhance my skills. I would wish to enhance my skills and learn new ones across the fields.

- Closer ties to friends. I would wish to amend previous damage or insuffice in friendship (damage control), and build better bonds with my friends. I still stand on “quality friends” over “quantity friends”. No matter how little friends I have, I would always cherish those I already had as their friendship would be the upmost premium.

- 改变世界，改变自己. Translation: Change the world, Change yourself. One of the album by Wang LiHom. My counselor changed my view of the world, Yantronic changed the way I look at front line service provider. Front Line Service Provider refers to the aunty uncle who sells u laksa, drive bus for you or clean public toilet, they dun refer to the whole company, just the front line ppl. I always see him being so polite and cheerful to them, and he always get good services from them. I followed his path, and found that by being patient and polite to them, you will get good services in return, and I feel happy when I make that grumpy promoter smile and feels proud of his job. It shows that you can change the world. Maybe I can start by changing people around me, by making them feel better and by helping them. Then slowly, probably my actions could change Singapore. I do not like the ruling party, but I do love Singapore along with her culture, and I believe that (like gadgets and electronics), some tweaking and modding would let the country perform slightly better, if not optimally. Thus I’m quite keen to change my environment for the better, and as things go by, I would be able to change myself (ie Level UP) then.

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